Help/Support ► Content, but lonely.

[Luap]

Wasn't gonna post here, but since people in this section usually aren't terrible about advice I'll ask for some.

My whole life I've been single. There have been relationships that have almost taken off into the boyfriend/girlfriend-stage, but those only hurt for the immediate time afterward. I spend most of my time alone, but never really get bored. I'm content with being single.

Still, every very now and then I feel lonely. I wonder, 'What if?' I'm more and more wanting of a relationship with a girl. But, there's also the fact that there's not many girls I'm interested in and the ones I am are either taken or not interested.

I've confided what's going on with one friend, and he gave me some odd advice. There are girls who I know are interested in me, but I don't necessarily like back. My friend pretty much told me to just date one anyways because I might change my mind sometime in the relationship. At first I felt this was pretty shitty advice, because it really sounds like to me that I'd just be, in a way, using that girl (I'm not saying sex right here, despite how it might sound; I just don't want to lie and say I like her). But, even though, the idea is, I guess, seeming a little more appealing, because, again, 'What if?' Maybe I could find the feelings becoming mutual eventually.

This has been going on with me for a couple months now and it's been getting worse, hence the idea above getting more appealing to me. I'm okay with being single, but I'm preferring the idea of starting to date.

So, uh, advice?

 

[Wehrmacht]

actually disregard my initial advice i'm retarded

you don't necessarily have any obligation of going out with someone you're not initially interested in, but if you want to give it a chance i don't see why not. it's really up to you. a date is just a date. there's no obligation for either party to do anything else afterwards. if it doesn't work out, that's fine and you can both just move on.

just do whatever you want.

 

[alexis.anagram]

It's not using someone to explore a relationship with them. If you're lonely, you have nothing to lose; and if there is someone who is interested in being with you, there's no reason not to give them the opportunity. You don't have to say that you like them: I would definitely advise against that, if that isn't how you feel. Be honest. Tell them you don't know what to expect-- sometimes it's best not to expect anything at all. Good things can come out of nowhere.

That said, you're only sixteen (your whole life is not all that long a time). High school dating is not the world of wonder and romance you may imagine it to be. That's not to say it isn't worth the experience, but take it with a relative measure of disbelief. Few people remain with one lover their entire lives, much less from adolescence on.

Finally, not to sound preachy, but romantic relationships aren't always important. Desiring one is no way unhealthy, but keep in mind that your development as an individual is ultimately what is going to inform your interactions with others on any level. At sixteen, there are probably still a lot of things you want to do for yourself, so I wouldn't ever sideline those goals or interests just to get with someone. I'm not saying you would do that, these are just words that I'm typing. Take them as you will.

And good luck with it. :]

 

[Recon]

Lone wolf status for the win! Trust me, take your time to find the one that is right, because in the end it will be well worth the wait (at least, that's what I tell myself xD)

 

[LegendaryHeroLCB]

I've been in your shoes before and I can safely say this, you're too young to be thinking so hard about this kind of stuff. I may only be two years ahead of you but I learned that on my own. You have your entire life ahead of and there are just too many possiblities. It may be that what you want right now out of your relationships isn't going to happen at this current stage in your life but it's bound to happen. When it does, you'll know exactly who it is and what you're feeling. Just be patient and learn from every experience.

 

[alexis.anagram]

Trust me, take your time to find the one that is right, because in the end it will be well worth the wait

This is every single person's relationship advice.
I know because it resonates with me. ;_;

 

[Recon]

This is every single person's relationship advice.
I know because it resonates with me. ;_;

Honestly, it's better to be with someone you've developed feelings for over time than to force some relationship that will only last 3 weeks.

It is still good advice to date other girls (even though you know for a fact you might not date them in the future) to further your development and understanding of what personalities suite you best. This is good practice for future acquaintances for whom you might actually consider "the one" to date.

Sometimes you're up and sometimes you're down, but you should always look ahead. Live and learn my friend, no regrets.

 

[Reagan Rayden]

The title of this thread about sums up my love life. hah

Pretty much what wehrm said. If you know these girls already and you still aren't interested in them then don't waste your time. There's the slight chance that becoming closer may cause you to get over your dislike of one of these girls, but there's only that slight possibility.

Don't date a girl you already know and don't really care for just for the sake of having a girlfriend.

 

[Vayne Mechanics]

Honestly, it's better to be with someone you've developed feelings for over time than to force some relationship that will only last 3 weeks.

This is something that you need to be wary of. If you decide to enter a relationship with someone you're very close friends and you've developed strong feelings for, then you need to realize that you're going to have to forgo the friendship you had. A lot of people insist on being still friends after they break up, but it's gonna suck and it's not something you want to ever do. Very rarely do I ever see people who have both lost intimate feelings for one another. Sometimes neither side really loses those feelings and so it's just bad man.

 

[Nyangoro]

Honestly, my advice would simply be that if you want to go out on a date, then give it a shot with someone who's willing.

A single date isn't synonymous with a relationship, nor is infatuation such that feelings don't change over time. Infatuation is fickle. Someone you're "in love with" now might piss you off later (and then, after that, go back to being someone you are "in love with"). It works the other way too.

Going on a date with someone you don't have any particular feelings for isn't a bad thing. No one should go into a date assuming that it's going to turn into a relationship without a doubt. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. You can't be afraid of going out just because you think you are using someone (you aren't, by the way) or because you don't know how you will feel later (because you'll never know, infatuation is weird like that).

So yeah, in the end, it's a situation of "if you want to, then go for it" or "if you don't want to, then don't go for it." I know this kind of advice seems a bit irresponsible, but it really is a "do what you want" moment that you've got on your hands right now.

 

[Vayne Mechanics]

So yeah, in the end, it's a situation of "if you want to, then go for it" or "if you don't want to, then don't go for it." I know this kind of advice seems a bit irresponsible, but it really is a "do what you want" moment that you've got on your hands right now.

Honestly I wouldn't say it's irresponsible at all. In fact, most people show view dating like this. You can't just hope that you'll meet someone nice one day, become really close friends and then develop a relationship with them. That's a Hollywood love story and people need to be more realistic about these things. I'm not saying it WON'T happen, but you can't bet on it.

Go on a date with someone. Ask people for their number. If they're not someone you wanna be in a relationship, then you don't have to. That first date doesn't mean you're going to instantly become girlfriend/boyfriend. There's a lot of people out there and if you're "waiting for that special someone", then you're just making it less likely to happen. You need to be active about it and look for them.

 

[Nyangoro]

Oh, I definitely agree with you. I just meant "irresponsible" in the sense that when people are looking for advice, a simple "just do whatever, man" isn't necessarily what people are looking, lol

 

[IceBlueWings]

Honestly, my advice would simply be that if you want to go out on a date, then give it a shot with someone who's willing.

A single date isn't synonymous with a relationship, nor is infatuation such that feelings don't change over time. Infatuation is fickle. Someone you're "in love with" now might piss you off later (and then, after that, go back to being someone you are "in love with"). It works the other way too.

Going on a date with someone you don't have any particular feelings for isn't a bad thing. No one should go into a date assuming that it's going to turn into a relationship without a doubt. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. You can't be afraid of going out just because you think you are using someone (you aren't, by the way) or because you don't know how you will feel later (because you'll never know, infatuation is weird like that).

So yeah, in the end, it's a situation of "if you want to, then go for it" or "if you don't want to, then don't go for it." I know this kind of advice seems a bit irresponsible, but it really is a "do what you want" moment that you've got on your hands right now.

I agree with this. And you shouldn't worry too much about 'using' someone, because in society you're going to 'use' people, and the same would for people who have any form of relationship with you. I've also had friends who went out with people they weren't really romantically attracted to at first, and then started to like those people after spending more time with them. So the same could happen to you. Get to know someone better, and see how it goes.

 

[Evello]

I can sympathize. That was exactly me half a year ago.

I would say feel free to go on a date with someone if you're feeling lonely. As others have said, date =/= relationship. Dates can just be a fun time. On the other hand, I would not advise starting a relationship with someone you don't care for and will break up with quickly. You're 16; relax. I never went on a single date until I was 17. I know, *gasp* how is that possible? After that, I got close to starting two relationships but it didn't work out either time. Now, at the age of 18, I'm in my first relationship, and it's with the most wonderful girl I've ever met. I went almost 18 years feeling the same way you do, but then just like that I found an awesome girl who I genuinely love spending time with. Don't feel like you have to be dating someone constantly. There's nothing wrong with being single and waiting to find someone right for you. At the same time, though, don't expect love to strike you out of nowhere. Go on a date, hang out with girls. Just don't let it get you down.