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Fanfiction ► Inchoate Reflection (Kingdom Hearts)



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VoidGear.

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Re: Inchoate Reflection [Kingdom Hearts]

I thought that this would make two chapters in one month, buuuuut it seems I posted the last one a month ago (BUT LESS THAN FOUR ENTIRE WEEKS, SO I'M GOOD).

Okay, here's the next chapter, this time a bit longer, and with some new swag characters. (^:

-----------------------------------------

Chapter Three: Pieces of Home

The first and only dream Roxas remembered when he woke up was one of a boy getting in some sort of white capsule. It was blurry and made no sense at all, vanishing only to leave the voice of a girl saying: “I knew I'd find you snoozing down here.”
Roxas sat up, immediately holding his head because it hurt. “Sora? Kai...Kairi?” he asked himself, even though he had no idea who either of these people were supposed to be. For some reason though, it only made sense to him that the brunette boy in his dream had been Sora, and the chiding voice belonged to a girl named Kairi.
“How long have I been out?” he asked no one in particular before getting up from his bed. He had trouble standing on his legs, indicating it had in fact been a long time since he had last used them.
The meeting room was entirely empty except for Saïx, which of course was Roxas's luck again. The second in command didn't really look too happy – then again when did he – upon seeing the number 13 enter the room.
“I see you woke again. I did not imagine you would.”
I missed you, too, grumpy, Roxas thought even though he obviously hadn't missed Saïx ever in his life, and would also never dare to say this out loud.
“How long has it been then?” he asked and looked around the room, still surprised that no one else was here.
“Twenty-four days.”
He blinked once, twice and felt himself shaking his head. That was...almost as long as the time he had been part of the Organization before falling asleep.
“I see. Where is everyone?”
“Doing their missions, obviously, which you by the way should get back to as well, as soon as possible.”
He chose to ignore the spiteful tone and just nodded at that, no matter how much he wanted to summon his keyblade and start a fight. It was a weird desire he kept noticing since the day he had first met Saïx, just that it was getting more intense with every single day.
“I'll be on my way.”


Roxas did not go on any missions on any of the next days. There were plenty of reasons for him to skip anyway, but usually the thought of being turned into a dusk was scary enough to make him obey. This, although, was too much.
“Obliterated? What are you talking about?!”
Just the thought of Saïx's arrogant, self-righteous face made him want to destroy something, but he didn't. None of the things in his room were actually his own belongings, but nonetheless the only ones he could call his.
“Do I need to repeat myself? The members who have been sent on a special mission have been struck down and erased in battle. That is all you must know.”
“It's not! You're lying! Tell me where they were! Tell me what happened!”
But Saïx had ignored him and disappeared. Roxas was unable to cope with what was going on in his head. While his rationality tried to make him understand that he was a nobody, thus not supposed to feel any kind of emotion, his heart – or the spot where it should be – spat out hatred and anger like a blazing fire, causing him to punch the wall right next to his room's door, even though he knew it wouldn't change a thing.
“Axel...you didn't die, did you? You couldn't have...”
There was nothing he cared less about right now than collecting hearts, so he did the thing that felt most natural and went to their usual spot, the clock tower in the world of constant afterglow.
It was the same as every time he came here alone – different, wrong, and he couldn't stop feeling like this wasn't the place he was supposed to be at. He stared at the trains passing by, closed his eyes and felt like he heard the ocean waves in the back of his mind, calling for him desperately, so close, yet so far away.
He opened his eyes and shook his head. None of this was real. None of this could be real. If he really had a past like Axel and the others did, why should he be the only one who couldn't remember it, or at least not properly?
“Isn't there anyone who can help me stop this?”
Of course there wasn't a reply, and with Axel gone, Roxas wasn't sure if he would ever get any.


For some reason, Saïx didn't show up on the next day at all, which left Roxas to himself. No one else was around, which of course wasn't surprising, considering how half of the Organization was supposed to be…
No.
He just couldn't bring himself to think it. None of this made sense. Not staring at the sofas in the meeting room, not wondering if there was a reason to keep on fighting. Should he just give up?
“I'm so sorry for all of this.”
He turned around, shocked and scared, because he had definitely heard a voice there. It reminded him of the girl named Kairi he had heard upon waking up, but wasn't the same.
“Who's there?!” he found himself asking, almost screaming, even though there clearly wasn't anyone in the room. What was happening here? Was this voice speaking to him in his head?
“Roxas...can you keep a secret?”
He frowned, not sure what that was supposed to mean. He didn't know this person, so why would she tell him a secret and why would he feel obligated to keep it?
Nonetheless, he found himself nodding slightly, then realized he wasn't sure if she could see him somehow.
“I think so.”
Whoever this was, and for whatever reason she wanted him to keep a secret for him, it could only be better than everything he had left in this place. Grumpy old people telling him what to do and using him. No, he didn't want that.
“It won't be long until they find me here.”
This time, he knew she was here. He swung around again, only this time he wasn't greeted by nothingness. There was actually someone there, standing a few meters from him.
She looked insecure, cautious, hands folded in front of her body, but she was smiling slightly.
“Hello, Roxas.”
“Who...are you?”
She hung her head, as if she were at least remotely disappointed that he didn't know that, but other than the connection to Kairi, he didn't think he knew anything about her.
“My name is Naminé. I am not supposed to be here, but...I can help you go to the place you're longing for.”
He shook his head, but realized that she probably did know about it, and better than he did himself, so found himself nodding eventually.
“I don't even know where it is, or why this desire is taking over so much lately. It's just...there. And I really want to go, but...How do you know about that?”
She shook her head slightly, before turning away and raising her arm, opening a corridor of darkness.
“I can't stay long enough to explain that. You will eventually understand. Find the place where you once belonged, and things will start making sense. I promise.”
He wanted to object, but realized it wouldn't be fair. She helped him a lot already, by just granting him this wish. Of course, who knew if she was fooling him into something? He had no reason to trust this girl, yet it felt like the only logical thing to do.
“Thanks, Naminé,” was the only thing he said before entering the corridor to look for what occupied his mind. Water as blue as the sky, sand as golden as the sun.
What greeted him on the other side was so much more than just that.
Whatever his expectation had truly been before seeing this, it couldn't have possibly been even half as good as what he actually found.


The sand creaked softly under his shoes, the sun shone brightly over the glistening sea, waves calmly caressed the shores. A gentle breeze wafted through his hair, and the smell of salty water tickled in his nose.
It's perfect, was the only thing he could think off, even though the concept of perfection was entirely unknown to him.
All the things that had been on his mind since joining the Organization, be it a reason to live, a reason to fight for them or even just the question who he actually was...all of them immediately vanished into nothingness as long as he could stare at the resplendent horizon.
He made his way over a bridge to a very small, second island-like structure with an awkwardly shaped tree on it. The fruit, unlike the coconuts hanging from every other tree, were shaped like a star with leaves on it, but no way would Roxas try to tear one of them of. All was good as it was.
Sitting down on the tree, he was actually able to make out the schemes of another, bigger island somewhat far ahead, but probably reachable with something like a boat.
This is where the three of them live, right?
He shook his head, confused by his own thought. The three of them? Out of all things, it entirely made sense to him that Sora and Kairi lived here, but where did the thought of a third person come from? Neither had he seen someone else in his dream, nor was there any name left in his head that filled the blank. It definitely wasn't Naminé, that much he knew.
Just why is it like I've been here forever, yet at the same time never?
Naminé had said that things would start making sense, but to be entirely honest, everything only got more confusing, now that Roxas was here. The place he had been longing for, the place he was able to call home.
“But is it really my home?”
“That's a good question, impostor.”
He jumped to his feet and flung around, only to see someone dressed in a coat just like his. But for all Roxas knew, he was not part of the Organization.
“Look who's talking! You're the one wearing one of our coats! Who are you?!”
But neither did he get an answer, nor did he really have the time to even summon his keyblade before being struck down and pinned to the stoney ground by yet another keyblade being hold dangerously close to his throat.
“I wonder which of his memories you stole to find this place.”
What was he supposed to say or ask? A million questions flooded his mind. Why did this boy, hardly taller than him, yet so much stronger, have a keyblade? Up until now, Roxas had believed himself to be the only one being able to wield it, because that had been all everyone had been telling him.
And at the same time, he didn't understand the accusation at all. Steal someone's memories? Was that even possibly? And even if so, then he surely wouldn't know how.
“I have no idea what you're talking about! I'm not a thief, and none of what you're saying makes any kind of sense, Riku!”
He flinched at his own words, and he saw the boy flinching, too, before backing away.
“And you're telling me you didn't steal his memories, huh?”
But Roxas didn't listen anymore. He felt almost comatose, and even more, scared. Riku. Now that he had said it, it only made sense. This boy, even though his face was hidden, was definitely Riku. It was in his voice, in the way he spoke, that Roxas had noticed it.
But how? He knew absolutely no one named Riku, he knew absolutely no one overall, because all of his memories and everything that might have once belonged to him seemed to be lost!
“I did not steal anything! I don't know why my head is so certain that you're Riku, but it is. I cannot get anything in order right now, but that doesn't give you the right to attack me like that!”
He got back to his feet, and backed away just a little more to be safe. This time, he would summon his keyblade in time, but as long as Riku stood there shocked, seemingly not attacking, Roxas wouldn't provoke anything.
“First a thief, now a liar, too. Maybe I should put an end to you before all of this can get even further out of hand.”
This time, Roxas was prepared, and had summoned his keyblade just in time to block the hit coming at him. However, he immediately knew that he was going to lose eventually. He'd been comatose for weeks and only doing a few missions some days ago before going on a strike and just staying in the castle.
“You're weaker than I thought. What a waste of time.”
“I might be...weak!”
He managed to fight back enough to push Riku away from him, even if not far.
“But unlike you, I still have a conscience. And it's telling me you're on the wrong side!”
Expecting another attack, he kept his guard up, but instead, but instead, Riku just lowered his keyblade.
“I've heard these words before, months ago. Do you remember that?”
Roxas blinked. Once, twice, before shaking his head. Heard them before? What was that supposed to mean?
“I don't understand anything you're talking about! I'm...”
But instead of trying to explain himself, he figured that losing this fight and dying here now was even worse than being turned into a dusk by Lord Xemnas one day.
He made best use of the small time frame Riku's confusion gave him, and left the island through another corridor of darkness.


Even hours later, when Roxas was sitting on his bed again, still overwhelmed by all that had happened today, he was unable to get Riku's words out of his head.
“I wonder which of his memories you stole to find this place.”
He already had a headache from thinking this sentence over all the time, yet no explanation came in mind.
And then there was also Naminé, who had sent him to this place with only generous thoughts behind it – so he chose to believe – but hadn't given any reason for it either.
Had it been a trap after all?
I'm so sorry for all of this, she had said. For all of what though? What had she done to him? Was she the one responsible for all of this, and what even was all of this to begin with?
It was no use, Roxas decided. Whatever was going on here, he needed to get stronger. If he trained enough, he might be able to win a fight against Riku, and then he would be the one standing, asking the questions.
But for now, the only thing he was left with was deep despair, and a single tear silently finding its way down his face.

______________________________

AN: What Riku claims to have heard before is part of what Sora says to him after he kidnaps Pinocchio:
"Heart or no heart, at least he still has a conscience. You might not hear it, but right now it's loud and clear. And it's telling me you're on the wrong side!"
 
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Muke

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Re: Inchoate Reflection [Kingdom Hearts]

You need to stop making me like Days!Roxas.... we should call thos one the Void!Roxas, the perfect Roxas.
Seriously, I’m loving this! Naminè being introduced is, of course, awesome! I like their interactions and I’m hoping there will be mooore because Days itself was lacking.

This should be the actual Days script or something ;_;
 

VoidGear.

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Re: Inchoate Reflection [Kingdom Hearts]

You need to stop making me like Days!Roxas.... we should call thos one the Void!Roxas, the perfect Roxas.
Seriously, I’m loving this! Naminè being introduced is, of course, awesome! I like their interactions and I’m hoping there will be mooore because Days itself was lacking.

This should be the actual Days script or something ;_;

Thaaanks so much!
See, as much as I despise what Days made of Roxas, this already makes me lowkey like him by cutting Xion out and giving him proper time to deal with himself. Sounds a bit arrogant, I knooow... xD
There will definitely be more Nami!
 

catcake

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Re: Inchoate Reflection [Kingdom Hearts]

AAaaAA here we goooo that was such a good chapter even better than what I expected and my favorite so far in every way. I like your Roxas the best. He's so good. I like how even though he wasn't really close to any of the other members, half of them just straight up dying as far as he knows still makes him upset, I can imagine that scene well. The meeting room so much more empty, not really sad because he didn't exactly like them but it's unsettling for sure. And Axel, I don't even like him that much but poor Roxas D: Don't worry kiddo he's okay. I hope. Not like this is going canonically (thank god) anyway so whooo knows but I believe they'll be fine. I really like the scene with Riku too. Hgngnngmhhs. It's nice how I can always imagine what's happening well, there are no times when I'm suddenly like wait where were they again? which happens a lot with fics that I've read. The immersion stays and the scenes flow well and I get that good "can't wait to seee what happens next" anticipation all the time. Like... I think I can imagine what will happen, and then it delivers, or when it surprises it still feels like it makes sense and there's no "wait what" moments but like "oooh nice". I don't know how to explain it! But I enjoyed this chapter a lot! And!! I love that quote from Sora btw so nice that it's used, I always found it really cool. Soar is so cool. Precious bab. Also Saix is a dick wow "I thought you wouldn't wake up" how about you put your mean ass to sleep and don't wake up until that attitude is gone poor Roxas.

10/10 you're amazing. It's been years since I've read any fics and it's so nostalgic feeling that old lil fangirl be all hype again xD
 

VoidGear.

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Re: Inchoate Reflection [Kingdom Hearts]

AAaaAA here we goooo that was such a good chapter even better than what I expected and my favorite so far in every way. I like your Roxas the best. He's so good. I like how even though he wasn't really close to any of the other members, half of them just straight up dying as far as he knows still makes him upset, I can imagine that scene well. The meeting room so much more empty, not really sad because he didn't exactly like them but it's unsettling for sure. And Axel, I don't even like him that much but poor Roxas D: Don't worry kiddo he's okay. I hope. Not like this is going canonically (thank god) anyway so whooo knows but I believe they'll be fine. I really like the scene with Riku too. Hgngnngmhhs. It's nice how I can always imagine what's happening well, there are no times when I'm suddenly like wait where were they again? which happens a lot with fics that I've read. The immersion stays and the scenes flow well and I get that good "can't wait to seee what happens next" anticipation all the time. Like... I think I can imagine what will happen, and then it delivers, or when it surprises it still feels like it makes sense and there's no "wait what" moments but like "oooh nice". I don't know how to explain it! But I enjoyed this chapter a lot! And!! I love that quote from Sora btw so nice that it's used, I always found it really cool. Soar is so cool. Precious bab. Also Saix is a dick wow "I thought you wouldn't wake up" how about you put your mean ass to sleep and don't wake up until that attitude is gone poor Roxas.

10/10 you're amazing. It's been years since I've read any fics and it's so nostalgic feeling that old lil fangirl be all hype again xD

THANK YOUUUU.

Yep, he doesnt like his colleagues, but they were still all he knew. Besides, of course it leaves the question of when he will be sent on a deadly mission.

I'm actually really anxious about environments risking to lose the main plot point while writing, thus confusing the reader, so I'm really glad that did in fact not happen. Describing Roxas's first impression of the islands was still pretty hard though, not gonna lie.

Saïx can go duck a truck by the way, I don't like him, but I hope I won't make him an over-the-tops asshole (like gay-shippers often do with girls so that the reader explicitely despises them). Then again, he's too good at being an asshole already, doesn't even need my help.

I'M GLAD YOU LIKE IT. See, art hype is love, and I'm glad to be the one causing it for once. <3
 

KingdomKey

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Re: Inchoate Reflection [Kingdom Hearts]

This was EPIC in every way imaginable. Why couldn't this have happened in the actual game?! I absolutely love this chapter and want this to be the canon version of Days. It fits so well together with the way Roxas continues to question his feelings, when he knows he's suppose to not have feelings. How Namine shows up to ask him to keep a secret or feels guilty about what's happening to him is perfect. I love that part so much! And the brief spare between him and Riku was truly spectacular! I like the call back to when Sora was telling Riku he was on the wrong side. <3 GOSH! I simply cannot get enough of this, VoidGear. <3 It's well worth the wait to read more chapters of your version of Days!
 

VoidGear.

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Re: Inchoate Reflection [Kingdom Hearts]

This was EPIC in every way imaginable. Why couldn't this have happened in the actual game?! I absolutely love this chapter and want this to be the canon version of Days. It fits so well together with the way Roxas continues to question his feelings, when he knows he's suppose to not have feelings. How Namine shows up to ask him to keep a secret or feels guilty about what's happening to him is perfect. I love that part so much! And the brief spare between him and Riku was truly spectacular! I like the call back to when Sora was telling Riku he was on the wrong side. <3 GOSH! I simply cannot get enough of this, VoidGear. <3 It's well worth the wait to read more chapters of your version of Days!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I still have a lot in store, especially for the characters that are not Roxas, even though sadly I won't be able to really give the Org guys too much screen time because I don't want to screw with Days' story TOO MUCH, as I want this to be something that could somehow fit into the canon, even with what happens after Days.
I'm glad you like it, and I hope I'll be able to update soon!
 

VoidGear.

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Re: Inchoate Reflection [Kingdom Hearts]

Been a while, eh?
I decided to cut this chapter into two, so here's the first part:


Chapter Four: New Directions


Roxas spent two full weeks on permanent training. While going back to carrying out his missions, he still didn't trust anyone around the castle, but if he wanted answers, he had to do at least enough to not get turned into a dusk. And that included collecting hearts.
He had thought about trying to call out for Naminé, as she was apparently able to contact him and sense his thoughts from far away. Maybe she even watched over him.
But he remembered how scared she had been of being found here, and that trying to find her would probably just get both of them in trouble.
Was it better to wait? If she was able to sense what was going through his mind, then maybe she would reach for him again as soon as she had the chance to. But what if she didn't? He did not plan on spending his entire life here, especially not after what had happened to the others on their special mission…
He decided to let this day go as well as he had the precious ones. Train, think about what to do next. There was hardly anything else he could do.
However, he was met with a surprise upon entering the meeting room. At first, he thought it was probably a weird dream. But dreams were never this realistic, and in a dream, he would probably never have been as aware of his shock as he was right there.
“Axel?!”
He shouted it a lot louder and also a lot more aggressively than he could've ever wanted to, but whatever was happening here did not want to make any kind of sense in his head.
The redhead turned around, a goofy smile formed on his lips and if he were able to feel emotion, Roxas would've said he felt the hatred on Saïx's mind in this very second.
“Roxas, buddy! It's been a while, huh?!”
Axel was cheerful as always...no, that wasn't true. For some reason, Roxas knew that he was lying. The wide grin, the happy-sounding words...none of it was honest. Axel was mad, furious even, at least as much as he was able to remember these emotions from his past. While he was obviously not mad at Roxas, that still didn't change that he was playing a role. And Roxas hated it.
“Where have you been?!” he demanded to know, but didn't get an answer. Instead, Axel pulled him out of the room playfully, as if nothing had ever happened.
“Long story, man! I'll tell you over some ice cream one of these days...or maybe not, haha! I'm not allowed to talk about it, you know?”
“Saïx said all of you had been…,” and he would hate the thought of even just remembering the word, if he could hate, “obliterated”.
For some weird reason that Roxas didn't get, Axel laughed. And it wasn't a sheepish or apologizing kind of laugh. He actually seemed amused.
“Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what they were thinking as well.” He summoned a corridor of darkness. “I'll accompany you on your missions today, so you finally turn that frown...upside down!”
It wasn't funny, but Roxas cracked a smile at how hard Axel actually tried to cheer him up. He really was a true friend, and maybe that was the main issue here.
Carrying out their missions together had actually been kind of refreshing, and it also gave Roxas more time to get lost in his thoughts.
All the evil gazes Saïx had given him. All the times his missions had been ridiculously hard for a single person, especially himself, the newest and probably weakest member of the Organization – Demyx excluded.
Was that the reason for it all? Had Axel and Saïx once been really good friends? It didn't really work out on Roxas's watch, but he also didn't know how different they were from how they had been before being turned into nobodies.
He was thinking about just asking Axel about it, but when they finally found themselves on the clock tower, each with ice cream in their hands, something stopped him. Maybe he wouldn't even get an answer anyway. Maybe it was rude to ask. So before he could go the wrong way, he asked another thing he had been wondering about.
“Hey, Axel?”
“Hm?”
“This might sound weird, but...have you ever met a girl named Naminé?”
He didn't need to answer. The way he flinched, frowned and was obviously at a loss for words was already enough. He did know her, and probably wouldn't spill a single thing.
“I see.”
“What makes you ask that?”
The cheerfulness was mostly gone, although Axel didn't seem mad or angry at Roxas. If he had to describe it with any word, it would probably be worried.
And without wanting to, without actively planning it, Roxas did the first thing that came to his mind.
“I saw her in one of my dreams.”
He lied.
If he could feel, he would feel terrible, and thoughts of apologizing and saying the truth crossed his mind, while he watched the ice cream melt painfully slowly in his hands. This wasn't right. Axel was his friend, wasn't he? Why was he lying to him?
“In a dream?”
“Yeah. It's really confusing, but I thought maybe I...maybe I have met her in one of my first days of joining? I don't remember much of those.”
That was at least not entirely wrong, as Naminé did know about Roxas, so maybe they indeed had met before somewhere.
“No, no, that's not it...Roxas, you shouldn't tell anyone about this. At least not yet.”
Not yet. Did that mean that at some point, he should? He didn't really feel like telling any of the others about this at all, and it automatically had him do the next thing that just came to his mind.
“Who would I tell about it anyways? You're the only one I trust.”
He manipulated.
And the worst part about it was that he did so actively. He knew that Axel's face would brighten up, that he would smile, nod, make a dumb joke and pretend nothing had happened, without losing a single word about Naminé. And so it happened.
“I guess Saïx didn't give you any better of a time while I was gone, eh?”
“Very funny. He despises me on a level I don't even understand. If Lord Xemnas let him, he'd probably just kill me or something.”
“Mh, yeah, probably. But Saïx doesn't like anyone, it isn't personal. You probably have it worst because we're so dependent on you, so you can't just be substituted if you do something wrong.”
That was something Roxas had noticed while slacking off from his missions a few weeks ago. He was still, what was it? The key or something like that, and until they found someone else with the same power, getting rid of him was probably out of the question.
“Well, that is until you find someone else with a keyblade, right?”
He was probably pushing his luck, but there were others out there, and he wanted to know how much Axel knew. There was Riku, for example, although Roxas was pretty sure that he wouldn't help the Organization anytime soon.
“Someone else? Are we still talking about some dreams? There's no one else with the same power. If there were, Xemnas would've long tried to recruit them. Unless you're hiding something.”
Axel was grinning again, so he obviously didn't really mean it, but Roxas still thought he noticed an ounce of fear right where his heart should be. It was unbearable.
“I guess you're right. It just feels so unreal to be the only person with a keyblade, you know? Like...there have to be more people somewhere, and if he finds them...”
He didn't finish the sentence, and instead got to his feet.
“Sorry, I guess I haven't had anyone to talk to in way too long. I bet nothing I say makes sense to you.”
“Nah, it's alright, buddy!”
Roxas suppressed a scornful hiss. He was lying to Axel, manipulating him for information, trying to meet someone behind the Organization's back who could get him out of here.
Nothing had ever been less alright than it was right now. And if he knew anything, then it was that this was a downright spiral he could not flee from. It would only get worse. More lies, more manipulation. More training to face Riku, if he ever managed to find him. More strength to get some answers and finally be free.
“Yeah, probably.”

Roxas didn't really see or talk to anyone in almost a week after that day, not even Axel. The only interactions he had were when he had to ask Saïx for new missions, or when someone in a world he visited thanked him for defeating some heartless.
It was monotone, and thus the exact thing he needed to not think about anything. He didn't have to think that someone with a heart would feel bad for anything that he did, because the only thing he did do – at least so he thought – was defeating some threats and collecting their hearts. That wasn't bad, was it?
But without a real purpose behind it, he knew it would, at some point, make him freak out. Why was he doing this again? To get stronger. To face Riku. How? Where?
He had been thinking about returning to the islands where Naminé had led him before, but whenever the thought crossed his mind, it didn't quite feel right.
Riku had told him that he had stolen someone's memories to find that place. Of course that wasn't true, and Roxas knew that, but that was the only thing he was sure of.
He recalled hearing Riku's voice and immediately knowing, remembering him, his name, as if they knew each other, even though they didn't, and it scared him.
“Is it possible for me to be scared?” he wondered, because all he knew was that he wasn't supposed to feel anything. He was a nobody. No heart. That was the first thing he remembered having been told, and it had to be true, right?

He looked at the Shadow jumping in his direction. What if it wasn't true? What if they had…
I saw her in one of my dreams.
The Shadow knocked him off his feet, and he didn't think he was able to fight back. He had lied to Axel. Lied to get what he wanted.
So what if everyone else had lied to him as well?
He threw the Shadow off, got up and destroyed it. For the first time ever, things started making sense. He lowered his keyblade, looked at all the heartless further away, and decided that he didn't care.
It was such an emotional decision that he wasn't sure if he could actually make it, but he did. He shook his head, turned around and left the world through a corridor of darkness. And never had he been more certain of where he would go.




 

catcake

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Re: Inchoate Reflection [Kingdom Hearts]

Yayy update! I wonder where he's going such cliffhanger much suspense. Probably to Atlantica to sing a musical, isn't that what Sora always does in times of distress. Next chapter will be a musical, looking forward to it. Maybe Ricky is there too and they sing a duet. That's totally the mood they left off with last time they encountered so it would make sense. Good stuff as always, these chapters give me strength like pressing triangle does to Mickey in KH2 ᕦ( ᴼ ڡ ᴼ )ᕤ
 

VoidGear.

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Re: Inchoate Reflection [Kingdom Hearts]

Yayy update! I wonder where he's going such cliffhanger much suspense. Probably to Atlantica to sing a musical, isn't that what Sora always does in times of distress. Next chapter will be a musical, looking forward to it. Maybe Ricky is there too and they sing a duet. That's totally the mood they left off with last time they encountered so it would make sense. Good stuff as always, these chapters give me strength like pressing triangle does to Mickey in KH2 ᕦ( ᴼ ڡ ᴼ )ᕤ

Yes, definitely. I think Riku and Roxas dancing and singing sounds like a very good plan. Who cares about Soar waking up anyways, he'll enjoy the musical from his pod I guess.
LIGHT, GIVE MEH POWA .... to write this faster. xD
♥
 

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Re: Inchoate Reflection [Kingdom Hearts]

;__; Oh my god. Roxas [I]lied [/I]and [I]manipulated [/I]Axel. I'm complete crushed by this drastic turn of events. I was expecting something completely different. Like a happy reunion between the two. I am proud of Roxas for beginning to understand that he's being literally lied to his face. And being used without entirely knowing why. Or I think he has an inkling of that going on. That ending broke my heart even further. That's the worse thing to do. To not care anymore. And Axel, you poor soul. It must suck greatly to withhold information like that from Roxas. To have to pretend to be happy when you're not. My favorite part was when Roxas realized Axel was trying to cheer him up. Oh VoidGear, the things you do to my heart. Super amazing chapter as always. I can't wait to see the other half. <3
 

VoidGear.

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Re: Inchoate Reflection [Kingdom Hearts]

;__; Oh my god. Roxas [I]lied [/I]and [I]manipulated [/I]Axel. I'm complete crushed by this drastic turn of events. I was expecting something completely different. Like a happy reunion between the two. I am proud of Roxas for beginning to understand that he's being literally lied to his face. And being used without entirely knowing why. Or I think he has an inkling of that going on. That ending broke my heart even further. That's the worse thing to do. To not care anymore. And Axel, you poor soul. It must suck greatly to withhold information like that from Roxas. To have to pretend to be happy when you're not. My favorite part was when Roxas realized Axel was trying to cheer him up. Oh VoidGear, the things you do to my heart. Super amazing chapter as always. I can't wait to see the other half. <3

In all honesty: ME TOO! But when I was writing, I realized just playing happy-go-lucky again would've been what the blind Days!Roxas would've done, and I want him to be smarter than that here, so while I was writing it, I decided he would in fact not tell Axel the truth. Because right next to friendship, sadly that's the next most prominent thing he has now learned to do from his redheaded best friend.
:(


Thank you! I'm so glad you like it!
 

VoidGear.

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Re: Inchoate Reflection [Kingdom Hearts]

Tip: Listen to Kokia while writing (it's inspirational).
Tip: Never listen to Kokia while writing (you'll cry. a lot).
More screen time for forgotten characters, yay!
Kudos to me for the Xion reference at the end, and to anyone seeing it.

-----------------------------------------------------

Chapter 5: Incomplete

There was nothing like the gentle breeze caressing his hair, he decided within a flash. All despair fell off of Roxas's heart when he was able to feel it again, and able to accept it as feeling good.
At this point, sitting on this weird tree, there was nothing he cared about. He probably wouldn't even care if Riku showed up and dared to put an end to him right here and now.
But instead, the footsteps that approached him shortly after were small, silent and he knew who it was before she came to a halt.
“Who...are you?”
He tore his eyes from the horizon, the setting sun, and looked up to meet with another face he had seen before, even though she didn't look the same as in his dream.
“I...it's difficult. My name is Roxas. You're Kairi, right?”
She nodded slightly, but kept her distance. Of course, he couldn't blame her for it. This island seemed uninhabited, and he didn't have a boat, so of course she asked herself how he got here.
“I wish I could explain anything to you, but I don't understand what's going on. I don't even really know why I'm here. It just...felt right.”
She snickered a bit, then decided to sit down next to him. It should probably feel weird, but Roxas didn't mind, as her connection to Sora seemed equally strong as Riku's, but she wasn't nearly as hostile about it.
“You remind me of someone...one of my best friends,” she admitted, and now it was his turn to chuckle a bit. Maybe he wasn't the only one confused by this whole situation.
“So...any idea why you came here? What made it feel right?”
In all honesty, he hadn't asked himself that before, and usually wouldn't even mind finding an answer, probably, but talking to her felt...easy. Manageable.
“That's a weird question, somehow...I don't know. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that this place feels like...home.”
Imposter.
Had he passively stolen someone's memories to think that way? Was Riku right about his accusations? None of it made sense.
“But somehow, I also feel like that's not true. Like I've never been here before. But I know your name, and I also knew Riku's.”
“Riku? You met Riku?!”
Her shock surprised him a bit, as he was sure Kairi and Riku were good friends, too. Was he hiding from her?
“Err, yeah. It wasn't for long though and he wasn't half as nice as you are. He seems to know more about all of this, that's why I need to see him again. Just this time, I have to be...”
Before he could say more, he understood the uncertainty in her eyes, and suddenly, the thought of saying that he had to be stronger than Riku, didn't feel quite right anymore. She didn't want to hear about fighting Riku, obviously, especially not when it was a stranger who said it.
“I didn't know you weren't in contact. I wish I could tell you anything, but I don't know where he is now. Just that he's after me.”
“That's about right, fake.”
He flinched, then jumped right to his feet. Just like the last time, he hadn't heard Riku approach, but maybe he had just appeared behind the two of them. Before Roxas was able to say a word, though, Kairi jumped up, too.
“Riku! What's going on here? Where have you been all this time?!”
She sounded hurt, and for some reason, it hurt Roxas as well. He felt a bit like crying, for this girl he didn't even know, but of course he needed to keep it together.
“It's hard to explain.”
“You could try! You don't show up for months, and now that you do, it's...like this! Why do both you and Sora always leave me behind?!”
It was painful to watch, and while this would've been the best moment for a sneak attack, Roxas found himself unable to move.
“I'll tell you later, but for now, step aside.”
Riku summoned his keyblade, quite obviously ready to attack Roxas first, but before anything could happen, Kairi stepped right between both of them.
“I won't!”
“Kairi...”
“No, Riku! This always results in the same end of the path. We don't talk to each other, the three of us, and something bad happens. I know it happened with you and Sora, and it also happened before we wanted to leave the islands. I am sure that, whatever you're doing, you can spare a few minutes to include me, after both of you ditched me here for months!”
Roxas was facing her back, but when she hung her head, he was pretty much assured that she was crying. Somehow, her feelings were relatable even to him. When his colleagues had been obliterated, it had left him even emptier than he usually felt, and he didn't even like them much. Losing one's best friends, and both of them at once, as it seemed...just the thought made him feel miserable for her.
“I see. He has already manipulated your thoughts.”
“No one has...Riku, no!”
But before she could finish the sentence, he had already disappeared through a corridor of darkness.
Now what exactly had that been? Roxas wasn't an expert on people or emotions, but that was weird and wrong even to him, and he wished that he knew something to cheer Kairi up.
“I am sorry for this,” he muttered, not sure if it would make anything better.
“None of it is your fault. I don't know what happened to Riku, but it scares me.”
She sat back down on the tree, wiped away her tears and tried to force her smile back up. Roxas felt how hard she was trying, and he admired her effort. She was so collected about seemingly losing one of her best friends.
“I'm scared, too,” he admitted, sitting back down next to her. “And, you know? I'm starting to feel like he is, too. But he won't let me try to...explain myself? Not that I could explain much. But I have a lot of questions and doubts, as well.”
She obviously didn't know what to reply, and was still visibly confused and shocked. They sat in silence, none of them sure of what to say. It had a similar vibe to spending time with Axel. Complete silence, no real need to talk about anything. Just knowing that the other was still there was sometimes enough.
“You know,” he tore his look from the horizon when she spoke up again. “I'm curious about something.”
And for some reason, he just knew what she was going to ask, so he shook his head before she could.
“Let me guess. It's about Sora, huh?”
“Don't tell me you met him, too!”
He shook his head again, although part of him was happy that he could. She would be heartbroken by the possibility of Sora discarding her as well, that much he understood.
“No, I'm sorry. But I knew you were going to ask about him, because most of the...well, I don't even know. Dreams? Memories? Whatever it is that's going on in my head – whenever he's there, you or Riku are as well; or all of you, of course.”
She chuckled slightly, and that seemed to be a lot less forced than her smile before that. Roxas was glad, because seeing her sad somehow made him sad as well. Was that normal?
“I'm glad to hear that. I'm still confused, though. I mean, it's not a coincidence that you're tied to Sora, right?”
He raised an eyebrow, completely at loss for what her words were supposed to mean. Tied to Sora? In what kind of way? And why would it not be coincidence?
“Well, uh,” she narrowed her eyebrows, apparently not so sure about her own thoughts anymore. “It just occurred to me that your names are so similar, you know.”
Without any kind of warning, he got a throbbing headache, so painful that it almost made him double over.
Imposter.
No, Riku was lying!
Fake.
But what if he wasn't? Why didn't Roxas remember anything from his past, and why had he been given a name by Lord Xemnas?
From all that Axel had told him, a nobody was supposed to remember what it was like to be complete. Inherit the memories, feelings and wishes. But Roxas didn't, except for a few bits and pieces that haunted him in his dreams.
Why, and in what way, was he different? He knew that he was not Sora, even though he started suspecting that he was supposed to be.
He remembered a bit of what Axel had told him. Nobodies like them were born by the leftover body of someone who got turned into a heartless. Heartless didn't usually have a mind on their own, and that was probably why, at some point, the nobody regained the memories of who they were before.
But for some reason, Roxas hadn't regained anything.
He let go of his head, not even having noticed that he was holding it with both hands. It was only then that he noticed that Kairi had put a hand on his shoulder and was seemingly worried.
“Are you alright?”
“Yes…no. Can I ask you something? It's probably going to sound dumb, and I-”
“You can.”
Her words were definitive, as if whatever he needed to know, she would try to help, even if the question was weird or confusing. He couldn't imagine ever meeting someone as kind as her...except for Naminé, maybe.
“How long has it been since you last saw Sora?”
Kairi gave him a confused look, but looked up to the sky smiling right afterwards, and said:
“It's been fifty-five days now.”
Fifty-five.
Roxas counted the days he'd been in the Organization. He'd slept for twenty-four days, and twenty-one days later, today, Axel had returned. That added to the twenty-six days before his long slumber…
Made seventy-one! Which, obviously, meant that he and Sora had existed alongside each other, so even if their names were awfully similar, it didn't mean anything. Right?
“Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the question, but...what made you ask?”
Should he tell her? He was sure she had no idea about nobodies, and explaining the concept when he, himself, hardly understood it either, would be quite difficult.
But somehow, looking at her, at the way she smiled, nodded, as if she knew about all his worries and fears, gave him an unknown feeling of safety, and he just couldn't bring himself not to do it. After all, she already felt left behind by her best friends. Would it be fair if he asked her questions and didn't answer any himself?
“People like me...we're born when a strong heart gets lost to the darkness. We are...well, you could say we're the leftover body, inheriting the person's emotions and memories, while the heartless acts driven by instinct to get its heart back. Does that make sense?”
She needed a moment, but then nodded slowly. It looked like she could make a sense out of it, but none that actually worked with any knowledge that she had.
“And you...think you might be the nobody born of Sora?”
“No, at least not anymore. You see, it doesn't fit. I was born weeks before you last saw Sora, so even if you don't know where he is, that wouldn't make sense.”
While this explanation seemed flawless to him, she didn't seem like she was sure about it.
“No, it's not that easy, Roxas.”
Now it was his turn to give her a questioning look, and hers to not know how to word her thoughts. But it didn't matter. All of what had happened here had given him a lot more answers than anything he could remember.
“Sora was a heartless. However, it was only for a short period of time. So short, in fact, that it didn't influence any of his memories. He returned as the Sora I knew before. That was a little more than two weeks before we parted.”
Pain.
It was a weird sensation, right where his heart should be. It hurt, made him feel emptier than he ever had before. Being a nobody was one thing. However, Axel and the rest...they all had hopes of being complete again one day, right?
But if Sora, even though Roxas remembered a few of the things that he had experienced, was already whole, then…
What would happen to him when Kingdom Hearts was complete? Would he forever be like this? A nobody, haunted by the thoughts and memories of someone else, remembering people who didn't know him.
Alone?
“Roxas?”
He felt a hand on his cheek before noticing that a tear had left his eye. It was pathetic, wasn't it?
“I'm sorry,” he muttered, looking down at the sand to their feet. For a short, way too short time, things had finally made sense. Started to look up. But now, he was back to the start.
No one would remember him. Maybe, he thought, completing Kingdom Hearts would just cause him to disappear without a trace. Maybe then, Riku and Sora would come back to the islands and their lives would continue like they had been before.
“What happens to a nobody whose original being is already complete? Will I forever stay like this? Will I always be…”
Broken?
Kairi didn't answer, but he didn't blame her. All of this was new to her, and how was she supposed to know what he should do now?
Whatever fate had in stall for him, whatever he might never be able to flee from – for now, all that mattered was the comfort she spent him, wordlessly pulling him into a soothing hug without saying a single word, without asking anything of him.
One day, he would get the answers he craved, needed and feared. Until then, he would hope for this moment to stay, maybe for days, maybe forever.
As long as it can.
 

catcake

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Re: Inchoate Reflection [Kingdom Hearts]

Ohhhh my god each chapter just keeps getting better I love this.... This actually makes sense. He's actually not dumb as fuck. Beause he's not supposed to be!! This is so much more realistic, I love it when the plot moves forward without relying on everyone being dumb. You know, when it doesn't stay together only because no one asks the questions any normal person would, or realizes obvious stuff. Thank yooou this is so gud. I love your Kairi too, ofc. You go girl TELL HIM! Ricky you lil edgy boi I love him too. Everything fits so well in place, which just goes to show the extend of the missed potential Days had. This so gud. I wasn't expecting Kairi but it was great. This is my fave fic ever :l Always so hyped to read more.
 

VoidGear.

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Re: Inchoate Reflection [Kingdom Hearts]

Ohhhh my god each chapter just keeps getting better I love this.... This actually makes sense. He's actually not dumb as diddly. Beause he's not supposed to be!! This is so much more realistic, I love it when the plot moves forward without relying on everyone being dumb. You know, when it doesn't stay together only because no one asks the questions any normal person would, or realizes obvious stuff. Thank yooou this is so gud. I love your Kairi too, ofc. You go girl TELL HIM! Ricky you lil edgy boi I love him too. Everything fits so well in place, which just goes to show the extend of the missed potential Days had. This so gud. I wasn't expecting Kairi but it was great. This is my fave fic ever :l Always so hyped to read more.

I'm very glad you're enjoying it so far!
I think it's finally getting some pace, so I hope the coming chapters won't be boring. <3
 

VoidGear.

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Eh, yeah, it's been a while. Beginning just kinda didn't wanna come to me, hard to say. It didn't feel right. xD
From now on, I'll mostly stop guiding around when in the timeline things happen, as a) they are going way too differently now anyway and b) it's sometimes hard to implement an explanation as to why even mentioning it.

----------------------------------------------------

Chapter 6: Conflict

Not knowing where to search for answers, Roxas found himself returning to collecting hearts more easily than he would've liked to. It was really the only purpose his life seemed to have, and the constant fear of either being obliterated by the Organization or captured and killed by Riku both made him feel like he'd lose his mind if he didn't occupy himself with something.

Even though Axel was back, they had hardly really talked to each other, let alone spent time together. Other than Axel being unnaturally busy lately, Roxas didn't feel like spending time with him. They'd lied to each other, and as far as he knew, that was nothing that friends should do. Were they really friends? He figured that the easiest way to find out would be to just ask Axel to have ice cream together again, and straight-up ask.
The only reason he didn't do that was probably that the possible answer scared him. Because if they weren't really friends...was there even anyone left for him? Everyone else had their own things to deal with, memories and feelings to keep and form in the future. Roxas absolutely didn't feel like he fit into the picture with anyone.
Sure, Kairi had offered him to help – begged, actually, as being left behind by Sora and Riku meant spending the days on the islands not only bored but also scared.
But no matter how much Roxas understood her desire to find answers, because really, it was all that kept him occupied as well...he just couldn't. The thought of putting her in danger, not even knowing where to look and for what exactly, was simply too risky. He didn't want her to get harmed. If anyone, she was who had treated him the most understandingly so far, and she didn't deserve the pain of going through this mess of unanswered questions.
Then there was Naminé. He hadn't seen her again, and considering how scared she had been of being found, that was probably for her best. The problem, though, was that she was the most likely to have proper answers to what exactly was going on, and without those, what was he supposed to do?
He wouldn't even start thinking about Riku. Their conversation on the islands was still highly confusing. Something Sora had said before…
Sure, the pieces started to fit in line. Roxas wasn't an idiot; the possibility of him not being heavily connected to Sora were getting ridiculously low. Even the chance of him not being the boy's Nobody were reaching new lows with every day.
And now, when he was sitting at the clock tower on his own, watching the sun set calmly in the distance, it was even worse. Memories from the past wanted to flood him. Spending time with Riku and Kairi on the islands. Racing over the islands daily, and losing almost every single time.
No.
He knew that none of these were his, and wished for a way to make it stop, but even just thinking about that made it all worse.
“Why do I feel like I miss you two so much?”
It didn't make sense, and even though he knew that, the feeling wouldn't vanish. And with it, tears running down his face, reminding him of his how real all of this was, even though it shouldn't be.

“Hey, Roxas! How about doing missions together today?”
Never had he felt more like screaming NO, but since he still felt like he needed to talk to Axel about what was going on, he decided that now would be the best time for it.
“Sure, why not.”
All things considered, they still performed well together. Even if their personal relationship was kind of damaged lately, Roxas felt that he could trust Axel at least in battle. That was more than nothing, huh?
But that still didn't make him feel less terrible about faking all this friendly attitude, especially after they finished their missions and finally had the time to talk.
“I've been wondering, Axel.”
Roxas stared at the ice cream in his hands, not really finding joy in the taste lately. It was too sweet, and definitely too salty. Was he getting sick?
The redhead raised an eyebrow in response, way too obviously trying to seem casual and not worried about things. It was a bit annoying, but at the same time made Roxas feel a little less bad about being a liar himself.
“What will happen to me after I gathered enough hearts for Kingdom Hearts?”
There was a break – way too long to fool him into believing any of the words Axel said right after it.
“What do you mean? You know that. Kingdom Hearts will give us all hearts again.”
“That's a lie, and you and me both know that!”
"Oh, come on, why would I lie to you? What are you talking about, man?”
He leaned back and closed his eyes. So that was how it was. Maybe playing the idiot was not good enough anymore. It did nothing but hurt, and the truth mattered more to him than keeping up a fake friendship.
“Alright already. If you don't want to tell me the truth – someone else will. Someone has to have the answers! That'll be the person I trust!”
And without even looking at the sunset a last time, without caring about Axel pleading him to stay and hear him out, he left.

He only remembered how beautiful the islands were during sunset when he was finally able to see it again.
No, he thought. It's not a memory. At least not mine.
With Axel officially out of the queue of people who might possibly tell him the truth, there really wasn't much left.
Naminé, sure. He could try to call out for her again, if he truly saw no other way, but it would definitely be his last choice.
So for now, he would go for the other thing that came to mind; the one he'd been trying to avoid, because unlike with Kairi, Sora's memories and his own feelings about Riku heavily collided, causing him a decent headache whenever he even dared to think about him.
He got unexpectedly...lucky, he supposed. Riku was actually here, seemingly watching the sunset, sitting on the tree in the exact way that the memories inside Roxas portrayed it. It was creepy.
“I didn't think I would find you so easily.”
The reaction came immediately, with Riku jumping from the tree and backing away a bit.
“Find me? Seems like you've gone nuts, offering yourself on a silver plate like this.”
“I'm not here to fight you. Yet.”
To prove that as much as he could, Roxas raised his hands a little, which would make summoning his keyblade secretly absolutely impossible.
“And what makes you think I won't fight you anyway?”
“Because you're stubborn, Riku. You've always been the one to question things, right? Way more than-”
He stopped himself from mixing up himself with Sora in just the last second.
“Him.”
And Riku noticed it quite visibly, clenching his fists and shaking his head. At least his facial expressions were still hidden by the hood, so Roxas wasn't quite sure if he should prepare to be attacked soon.
“Sora. So what Diz said is true.”
That name was entirely foreign to him, but it meant that he was right. Riku did know some things that he himself didn't, and maybe he was the only one who could give some real answers.
“What?!”
“You really are...his Nobody.”
This time it was Roxas's turn to back away. Up until now, he had managed to look confident, but now he couldn't stop himself from dropping his gaze. What Diz said is true. So not only he had come to this conclusion, but other people as well. If the chances for it to be true had been low before, they were basically non-existent now.
“Yeah, that's...that's really the only explanation I was able to come up with as well.”
He looked up again, now finally determined.
“That's why I needed to find you, Riku. Whenever things seem like they start to make sense, the answers slip from my grasp right away. I need to know...why I exist. What purpose I serve. And what will happen to me if I go on.”
The following silence was painfully long. So long, indeed, that it almost felt like time was standing still. Had he said too much? Then, eventually, Riku did answer.
“Why are you so insistent on trying to make me believe you had feelings?”
Of course, Roxas thought. He's been fed the exact same lies as me.
“Because it's the truth.”
“You're a Nobody. You-”
“Not able to feel, all memories from our past lives. Is that it? Because you couldn't be any more wrong.”
He had had doubts about this from the get-go. If he didn't have a heart, why was he able to feel joy, laugh, but also cry and be sad?
But now, more than ever, did he knew that it was simply wrong.
“Why would I believe that?”
“Sora and I have very conflicting feelings for you. And I feel them both. How do I do that, if none of these are mine?”
“You could still be tricking me.”
He rolled his eyes. On one hand, it was very understandable that Riku had doubts – who wouldn't, really? But why would he, what was it? Offer himself on a silver plate, obviously the weaker one of them, if none of this were true?
“And what reason do I have for that? I don't even know what I really am, let alone what cause to fight for! All I know is that Sora's memories of both you and Kairi are the only things that make this constant confusion and pain bearable! If there's really only one person in the world I can trust, then that's easily you!”
Too much.
He hung his head, realizing that he had given in to what wasn't his.
Way too much.
It was the truth, and everything he had wanted to deny so far. Being scared of Riku, hating him for putting the blame on him...it all meant absolutely nothing in the face of the deep, undying trust, admiration and love that his conflicted mind wanted him to feel.
“Are you...crying?”
He was, yet again, and it was nowhere near as calmly as when Kairi had been there, or when he'd been alone on the clock tower.
This whole mess of emotions he shouldn't feel and memories that were both true and false were just too much to take, and were what ultimately made him drop to his knees, giving in to the uncontrolled sobbing and desperate crying for salvation.
Let it end.
 
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catcake

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I'd write something insightful here but I'm ded so I can't. I can't handle some parts of this, like for example everything between the start and the finish.
 

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If you wanted to bring Xion in, i think making her a creation of DiZ would yield better results than just making her of the Organization already.
 
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