Fanfiction ► Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

[Annoyance]

Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

Okay. This story is about the characters that I'm constantly drawing in my sketchbook. I wanted to do this story since I basicly started 8th grade (Which was about a year ago....<<'). Now...Naminé was originally made for a story of my friends. It's very confusing...but after Naminé I just started drawing my own characters and my friend kinda abandoned her story << She never really wrote a story so it's only in her head. Meh...If she gets to it, she gets to it..I'm only gonna type it for her because she can't type...but that's a different story from mine.

Yes I stole the name from KH (I'M A BAD PERSON!! >.<) I like the name okay? It's too late to change it now anyway after the years worth of pictures of her with the name on it and some of them in ink so...yeah..... But the character looks nothing like Naminé from KH so don't even bother emailing me about it....if you want to know what she looks like though....ask me I guess...too lazy to get out the character designs... so...here it goes. I'm going to start with the intro. If people don't like it, I'm going to stop, if they do, I'll continue... And keep in mind that my chapters are unbelievably short << So sorry....ANYWAY!! Here is the story. Please comment. << I just want to know how bad it is.
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Intro
------------------------------

Naminé sat down on her rock by the fire to feed it wood to keep it alive. She was on her own now. Queen Saudra, the Queen who ruled the village of Marilica. Saudra was hated throughout the village. Everybody hates her, even some of her guards. Saudra wanted to rule all of Promathica, the Elven world. Maybe even the other lands, too. Nobody really knows her plans. Many people have lost a large amount of things to the evil known as the Queen. Money, valuables, pets, homes, friends, and family. She wont stop.

Naminé was one of the many people who lost loved ones to Saudra. Her home and her family. The only one left of her family is her hawk, Tsubasa, who she named after her lost brother. Her brother, Tsubasa, was taken away to an "orphanage". At least, that's wat the letter Naminé and her father recieved. She was only seven years old when this happened. Tsubasa was six when she last saw him. Two years before her brother was taken away, her mother died from a sickness that was going all over Marilica. Naminé cried hard that night. She was only five years old.

After her brother was taken away, she found a hawk near the pond by her house. It was young and it had a broken wing. Naminé tried to use her healing spells but being at a very young age, they barely did anything at all but ruffle a few feathers. So she healed the hawk the old fashioned way. She mended up the wing with bandages which were just a peice ripped off from her cloak. She nurtured the hawk back to health. After the wing fully healed a couple weeks later, Naminé and Tsubasa bonded so well, the hawk refused to fly away.

But when she was ten, her father witnessed a beating of a villager in the market because the villager couldn't afford the food. Nobody really could. Saudra makes the prices of food so high that people have to work all day, and all night, just to afford a loaf of bread for their family.

Naminé's father was furious. He did a speech to tell everybody that Saudra needs to be stopped. Everybody agreed but nobody wanted to help. They feared what would happen to their lives and their loved ones. They were too afraid to fight.

Naminé's father was killed at a public execution the very next day. To make it worse, Naminé was forced to watch this at the front. But as she was forced to watch this nightmare of an event, she noticed a boy that looked to be her age run out of the castle in a cloak.

 

[Monkey]

Re: Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

=o Aside from a few spelling mistakes, there is nothing wrong. BTW, when you write, instead of "2" you'd do "two", and instead of "15" you do "fifteen". You write out the number.

It seems more just like a history of your charecter so far, but if you can get the story moving, it'll be great. =D

 

[Annoyance]

Re: Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

Thank you Monkey....Yeah I'm too lazy to edit that.....but I make a lot of typos but not to the point where it's unreadable....<<' Just kinda confusing...
Anyway....
Here's chapter 1...which is also short....
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Chapter 1
------------------------------
Naminé heard a twig snap behind her and she whirled around to face whatever it was with fire ready in her hands. She looked around and only saw a girl with blond pigtails. The girl was wearing a white tank top, a skirt with dark purple dots at the ends tied with a string. She had a braclet on her right arm, a long arm band that ran from her wrist to her elbow. Her right leg was tied up with string and ribbon. Naminé lowered her arms a little.

"Nami! It's me! Jeez don't kill me!" a familiar voice called.

Naminé sighed and threw her fire spell into her fire making it burst with flames for a minute, "Sorry Alice. I'm getting more and more paranoid by the second lately."

"Aren't we all? Saudra's army keeps increasing and were running out of people to trust," Alice said sadly. She hates it when she knows there is no positive side to something. She always wanted a part of something that was good. Some hope in overcoming it. That was the Alice that Naminé knew. If Alice was never happy, Naminé would be more gloomy than she already is.

"You go on home, Alice. It's late, I'll be fine. I swear Alice, you've turned into my mother," Naminé smirked.

Alice got mad at what Naminé said and yelled, "Have not!" Alice stuck her toungue out at Naminé like she did when she was five. Alice never really acted like the fifteen year old she really was.

"Okay, how many times have you came up to check on me since sundown?"

Alice frowned and said weakly "Five...?"

"Try twelve," Naminé smirked again while feeding her fire another peice of wood, "Go home, I'll be fine. I'm the fighter, remember?"

"Okay....But if you get your butt kicked don't come crawling back to me."

"You know I wont."

"Whatever Nami," Alice replied with a sigh as she turned around towards the village.

Naminé turned her attention to her fire again and fed it one last peice of wood before going to sleep beside it.

As Naminé slept a figure came down from the tree by her campsite and set down some more wood, some food in a metal box so other animals wouldn't get to it before she did, and a blanket on Naminé's shivering body. The figure kissed Naminé's forehead and whispered in her ear "Good night, my love..." before disapearing into the trees.
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W00t...the mysteriousness shall consume you!!! Bwahahahaha!! *Thunder crashes*

 

[the_third_key]

Re: Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

Great story...keep writing and send it to me when you are done. Although a little sad at first I have to admit that it is way better than Oliver Twist or David Copperfield! |
Kairi...

 

[Annoyance]

Re: Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

Yay!! Now I can finally update....
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Chapter 2
------------------------------
"Who's doing this?" Naminé asked herself. Naminé has been getting used to the guardian angel gifts lately. She didn't know who was giving this all to her. She wanted to know. Naminé wasn't used to gifts. The last gift she recieved that wasn't from the guardian angel was when her mother was sick and dieing. Her mother gave Naminé her cresent moon pendant that still hangs around her neck. The main source of her power. The pendent makes her will stronger which makes her able to fight with courage.

Naminé held in a tear while clutching her pendant. It was the last thing she had left of her family. Her house was burned to the ground a week ago because she set one of Saudra's thug's hair on fire. Saudra, being Saudra, ordered her home to be destroyed. Naminé was supposed to die with the house. But she was wandering outside by the woods looking at the full moon like she always did every month. The only thing that really makes her calm.

Naminé has been living in the woods on her own ever since.

"The stupid guard should have known the simple task of stop, drop, and roll," Tsubasa said through Naminé's mind.

Naminé looked up at her hawk and smiled, "Not my fault."

Naminé took a peice of bread out of the metal box and broke it in half to share it with Tsubasa but he turned his head and returned to feasting on the mouse he found earlier that morning. Naminé shrugged and ate the bread silently.

She would know if it was poisoned. She can sense evil. The bread was fine. Everything she recieved from the mysterious angel was fine. She just didn't know who was giving all this to her. She's been living on the food everyday now. She doesn't mean to live on others. She just can't do anything else. She can't hunt because she can't hurt animals. Especially since she's best-friends with Alice. Alice loves animals and if Alice found out Naminé killed an animal for food supply Naminé would have over a hundred bruises in two minutes flat.

The sun was out and shining to the point where Naminé had to squint to see properly. The animals were out and running around trying to survive. The mice cowering in fear of Tsubasa finding them. It was a perfect day. But evil still seemed to loom in the air like a plaque.

Naminé got up and stretched a little. Sleeping on rocks and dirt is hard to get used to when you grew up sleeping on a soft mat back in the village.

Even though Naminé's home was burned down, she wasn't banished. She knew this. Saudra didn't really know what Naminé looked like or even her name. But Naminé didn't want to take the chance. She hid her pendant and her long night black hair with purple tints in her hood before walking the path to the village.

 

[the_third_key]

Re: Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

This is a comment!
Kairi...

 

[Annoyance]

Re: Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

Eh.....Okay...Chapter 3! Yay!!...Alright now I'm caught up with what I typed...so now I have to type chapter 4 up and 5...then I'll post 4...
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Chapter 3
------------------------------
The village didn't change at all. The same dirt path road where children used more for playing than the adults for walking, the shops were all the same as last time with their rediculously high prices. There was something missing, though.

"Hey Naminé," a familiar male figure said as they passed by. Naminé pushed the male into a small alley way where nobody could hear or see them.

The boy was her age, a little taller than her, though. He had a sleeveless shirt that was black around the bottom, his sword in it's case on his back, short blond hair but a bit of hair behind his head tied up with a string. He had a chain along his pants, and two belts that crossed with eachother. The village symbol was on his right upper arm. His green eyes almost glowed in the alleyway along with is flame pendant around his neck on a chain.

"What was that for?" the boy asked putting their gloved hands on their hips. He had a sarcastic look on his face as usual.

"Blaine! Shut the hell up! You could get me actually banished!" Naminé said angerly.

"Well sorry," Blaine smirked crossing his arms.

Naminé sighed and said "I'm sure you are, Blaine...."

"Living on your own in the woods hasn't changed you a bit, Naminé."

"Whatever, Blaine."

Naminé walked out but tripped on a box. She wasn't ready to catch her fall and she was about to hit her face on the ground but she stopped 5 inches from the pain. Blaine caught her by the hand and pulled her back up making Naminé's hood fall off in the process. Naminé looked in his green eyes and couldn't hold a blush inside. 'Dammit...' she thought trying to make the red in her face go away by magic but of course she knew no spells that could do that. Blaine saw Naminé blush and he couldn't help but blush too. He looked at her purple eyes and blushed more so he looked at the ground to hide it.

"Um...well...I'll see you around then," Naminé said embarassingly putting her hood up to hide her red face.

When Naminé left the dark alleyway, Blaine stayed behind for a while to think to himself.

"How am I going to tell her?..."

After Naminé left the alleyway she saw Alice running up to her with a smile on her face.

"Look what I found while going home last night," Alice exclaimed while holding out a silvery creature. It almost seemed liquid air swimming between Alice's fingers.

"What is it?" Naminé asked raising an eyebrow. She never really knew what to say about Alice's creatures. They all seemed to be from an alien planet.

"It's called a Rithil. At least that's what he told me. Isn't he cute?" Alice grinned.

"How do you know it's a boy?.." Naminé looked at her weirdly.

"He told me! Duh!"

"Of course...," Namine sighed.

Naminé chatted with Alice quietly while walking around the village. She didn't have much to spend at all. 2 Rit can only buy her half of a loaf of bread. That's all she had. She barely ever had any money at all. Rit was the money they used in Marilica. It's used all over the world. It had the face of the old King and Queen that have been dead for a couple years. The coins haven't changed because the king and queen were good to the world before they died. She bought half a loaf of bread and put it into her sack and kept walking looking at her last coin.

She stopped at the end of the path, where her home used to be. The ashes were still smoking from the flame. Naminé clenched her fists she walked to the pond to fill her bottle with water.

"Think you'll ever come back?" Alice asked quietly.

"Probably not," Naminé answered solemnly, "I have as much chance living in the woods than living here. Look at what they've to my house," Naminé said pointing to the smoldering ashes that used to be called home, "You should leave this village, too, Alice. It's too evil here. I can sense it. Saudra's evil has spread through the whole town...."

"I don't know, Nami...," Alice replied quietly.

"You don't have to worry, Alice," Naminé smiled, "Besides, your healing spells are much more stronger than mine. My real speciality is Black Magic. You know this. I may know a couple healing spells but it'll be forever until they'll be as strong as yours are."

"Really?" Alice grinned.

"Really. Plus, you can talk to animals as if it's your native toungue. I can only talk to Tsubasa through my mind. That's nothing compaired to your skill."

"Well...I guess," Alice blushed and kicked a pebble lightly on the ground.

"C'mon, Alice. You know you want to leave this stupid village. Think of all the animals you'll get to see!"

"Fine," Alice sighed, "I do hate this place. They never let me bring in anything bigger than Tsubasa."

"Just go get a cloak and meet me at my campsite. And leave him behind," Naminé said indicating the Rithil swimming through Alice's childlike hands, "I don't think he'll survive that long with us."

Naminé left the village and went to the forest to the forest and waited. She walked silently but she noticed she was being followed.

"What do you want Blaine?" Naminé asked without even turning around.

"Take me with you," Blaine said underneath his cloak, " You need someone who can fight with a sword."

Naminé turned around to cut Blaine with her dagger but was blocked quickly by his sword.

"See? You're too slow with your reflexes to fight with the dagger. What if a warrior from Saudra found you?"

Naminé mumbled as she put her dagger away, "I can still use it....Alice barely fights at all."

"I don't care. Just let me come with you. This is my only chance to get out of the village. I can only sneak out at night and if I stay out they'll come find me and kill me. They aren't paying attention now. They're all busy burning some innocent person's home down now to care about me," Blaine sad angerly.

"Fine but if you piss me off--"

"You'll set my hair on fire?" Blaine laughed. Naminé glared at him. He's heard her say that many times before when they were little kids. Blaine always annoyed Naminé for some reason. So she always threatened to set his blonde hair on fire.

"Yeah...."
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Now...I have to say...Blaine is really fun to make a personality for...I like smartasses XD They're easier to make. Where Naminé is supposed to be quiet a lot, Alice is bubbly and stuff...kinda like Bubbles from Powerpuff Girls.
Now I keep forgeting to put the necklaces in the descriptions and I'm to lazy to find out how to put em in there...sooo...(They all have necklaces...kinda like Star Cross'd only less cool <<')

Naminé- Cresent moon
Alice- Star
Blaine- Flame (Which is kinda his theme of his outfit...flame on his gloves, flame on his sword base, flame pendant...you get the idea)
Emma (She's comin' ya bastards...)- Swirl
Tsubasa (her brother)- Wing (What else would I give him? <<)

And I kind forgot to give what Naminé looks like...^^' Whoops...Naminé has sorta of a cross between black mage, white mage, and the enigma coat with random quirks in there...
Since I'm bored as hell, here:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v86/wolkan/Drawings by Sabrina/000_0058_0001.jpg
^ Tsubasa. Saw him in my mirror...just seemed to fit...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v86/wolkan/Drawings by Sabrina/000_0056.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v86/wolkan/Drawings by Sabrina/000_0055_0001.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v86/wolkan/Drawings by Sabrina/000_0053_0001.jpg
^ Naminé shots because I'm terrible with a camera

The rest of the character designs at that time sucked so much I didn't take a picture. I'll get em up soon as/if I get my scanner to work

 

[Mikail]

Re: Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

Kool story. You just seem to have the chapters just keep comming and comming lol.

 

[Annoyance]

Re: Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

Thank you Mikail. But the endless chapters end here...I have to catch up to my own writing now. Chapter 4 isn't done yet.
Might not be for a while...updates will kinda slow down...especially since I have no motive since NOBODY wants to read it....and school, and my sprite comics. .-. And my 'life'...don't forget about that....Eh....I'll try and update soon as possible.....and if anybody posts here....

 

[cam ron 77]

Re: Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

wow ka, i never knew you liked writing..well, i suppose everyone writes. lol

but it was good, keep em coming. sounds like its gonna keep getting better.

 

[Annoyance]

Re: Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

XD I didn't at first either. I kinda gave up for 2 years after 6th with my sh*tty one way back...it sucked...a lot.
But thank you ^^'
Now all I need to do is get my lazy ass up and write more...but could you do me a favor and get everybody you know to read this -.- I'm tired of this being on the 2 or more pages

 

[Alaude Drenxta]

Re: Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

you did well on building up the personality of the characters, they hold to it very well. The all around story plot so far is pretty good. In the sense of in depth story, it's pretty original. It does carry some regular and cliche areas. The chapter blending doesn't go as smoothly as you could have done it though. but all in all I'll give it a 7/10, nice job.

 

[Monkey]

Re: Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

The story is starting to become overly cliche. You need to think of something different to do with your charecters. (That is, if your writing the story as you go. @_@)

 

[Annoyance]

Re: Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

Thanks...And can I say that scenes like the alley one with Naminé and Blaine are REALLY hard to do without either laughing my ass off and or throwing it away?...-.-' I look at it and I'm just like 'blech....'
Yeah it is kinda cliché but this is my first story that I'm semi proud of -.- The last 2 stories I've written are currently rotting in a landfill now (Seriously. They are. I threw them both away. Wasted of a hard book cover and a couple pages....)
I notice that my story is similar to a lot of things....Final Fantasy for the fighter types, Star Cross'd for the necklaces (I found Star Cross'd after my ideas for the necklaces so that's kinda weird....), and many other things..... ._.
I still like how Blaine turned out though .-. Only guy in my sketchbook that I'm proud of. That's kinda why this story lacks males.....^^;

 

[Monkey]

Re: Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

If you do something you dont like, then why include it in your story? I went through hoards of drafts before I got all the events right in mine. >.< You really have to plan what you do out. =o

 

[Alaude Drenxta]

Re: Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

Thanks...And can I say that scenes like the alley one with Naminé and Blaine are REALLY hard to do without either laughing my ass off and or throwing it away?...-.-' I look at it and I'm just like 'blech....'

romance scenes(I take it that was one?) can be very hard to do. Especially when one of the characters have a romance conflicting personality. Just my guess but I take it Namine is making the first move?

 

[Annoyance]

Re: Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

Actually no that was supposed to be an accident...she just tripped, he caught her before her skull was smashed, blah blah blah blush blah blah blah flee blah.

If you do something you dont like, then why include it in your story? I went through hoards of drafts before I got all the events right in mine. >.< You really have to plan what you do out. =o

Monkey I need the scene...it's kinda hard to explain...but I still couldn't think of anything better so yeah....and believe me...I've went through a lot of ways in my head...Meh....I haven't even finished writing the story really..but I know I've written up to 7 or 8 by hand.....I wrote so much I drained 2 pens << NEW pens by the way

 

[rikuishot]

Re: Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

kairi angel that was totally awesome you should totally make more and if you published a book about it i would totally buy it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-rikuishot

 

[Annoyance]

Re: Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

Thank you and I doubt I'll get this published considering the amounts of sueing would occur from people complaining my story is too much like theirs.

 

[DARK_RIKU3000]

Re: Naminé's story(working title+has nothing to do with kh)

its good i liked the way youve written it its sad at points but good job