I really wish I didn't have to resort to putting this on the forums.... But I've been a wreck for the past like month. I've been sitting here contemplating whether or not to click 'submit new thread' for about 20 minutes....
Okay... So I've been really stressed out because of this. I've talked to my mom about it, and that's helped, but I just need some other opinions.
First off, please don't bash my views on sexuality. It's my opinion and I'm just here because I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
So I come from a very Christian-conservative family. I think homosexuality's incredibly wrong.
But lately, I've been terrified of becoming gay. Idk what's wrong with me.
I dont think I'm actually gay, because most people discover that they're gay because they develop a crush on someone who's the same gender. I have never been attracted to a girl. I'm just afraid that I'm going to be attracted to one. And yet, I have a boyfriend. It's really confusing.
This all started about a year ago. My one friend came out to us and said she was bi. Of course that kinda freaked me out. I'm the type of person who over analyzes eeevvveeerrryyyttthhhiiinnnggg, so I had to sit there and think “what if I'm gay too?” and I started freaking out about it because I couldn't stop thinking about it. I eventually sorted my mind out and mostly forgot about it, then recently, I went to a sleep over, and my bi friend kept going on about how hot she thinks Alice Cullen from Twilight is. I didn't sleep at all that night (I never do at sleep overs) and so the next day I was pretty much delirious. I get weird when I'm exhausted, and I started thinking about the “what if I'm gay” thing again. And ever since I've been in constant panic.
When I was younger, I thought homosexuality was gross and extremely wrong (please, don't bash. I'm not here to bash. Just stating how I feel.) and I still think it's gross and wrong. And I've always had celebrity crushes and stuff, all on guys. I never even considered being gay until my friend came out. And I probably wouldn't have thought about it if she didn't come out.
I think there are a couple other reasons why I'm freaking out about this too. I was a tom boy when I was younger. I have an older brother who I get along with very well, and when we were young, we played all kinds of games together. I'd say i'm a lot girlier now, but I still like Star Wars and Lord of the Rings and all that stuff commonly associated with boys. Because society's so jacked up and stupid today, if a boy likes anything girly or a girl likes anything boyish, it makes them gay. I have a friend (different friend) who really likes video games and listens to hardcore death metal music. She's straight, but she told me people think she's gay because of those reasons. I like video games and hardcore music too. Not death metal, but still pretty hardcore. Though I don't like video games as much as I used to.
I'll kinda map out my feelings for you. If I see a hot guy, I'll be like 'ooh he's hot' and stuff like that. Which is normal. If I see a pretty girl, I'll be like 'I'm not attracted to her am I?'. I'm afraid that if I keep thinking like this, I'll end up convincing myself that I'm attracted to girls against my will. Which doesn't really make sense
but they say that your sub-conscious mind believes whatever your conscious mind tells it, so I don't want to screw myself over.
It's worse because I don't have any desire to have sex. Well, I do a little bit, but not a lot. I mean, I'm only 15 and I made a vow not to have sex before marriage. If I think about sex, I'll occasionally get excited, but I don't get like... aroused I guess. I really like my boyfriend, but we've only gone on two dates and haven't kissed or anything yet. So I can't base it off that. Though I do like being with him way more than any of my friends. And there's definitely chemistry there. And every time I'm with him, I pretty much forget all about this.
I've already made up my mind that if I turn out gay, I would ignore the feelings and just be single my whole life. But I don't want to be single, I want to get married and have a family. Which really should prove that I'm straight, but I still can't stop doubting myself.
This has really been bothering me. I've lost sleep over it, I've cried a lot about it, and Idk what to do. I don't really want to see a counselor, because I don't need my whole family thinking I'm a nut case. Maybe I am just a nut case. That would actually give me some peace of mind, because I'll have an explanation for my anxiety. Of course, there've been other things I've freaked out about. Like, once I started freaking out because I thought I was becoming anorexic. Not even kidding lol. I don't even know where that one came from.
I'm not trying to attention whore or anything. I just really need to talk about this. After talking to my mom, I felt better, but for some reason it still bothers me. I wish this would go away, because I know it's not healthy. Not only am I messing up my mind, but I get stomach aches from this, and I'm sure my blood pressures not gonna be great either. I'm 15 years old and I'm falling apart
I know a lot of you are gonna say “Does it matter?” well, it matters to me. I wouldn't be so upset about it if it didn't matter.
I think that's it. Sorry for the long post.
Okay... So I've been really stressed out because of this. I've talked to my mom about it, and that's helped, but I just need some other opinions.
First off, please don't bash my views on sexuality. It's my opinion and I'm just here because I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
So I come from a very Christian-conservative family. I think homosexuality's incredibly wrong.
But lately, I've been terrified of becoming gay. Idk what's wrong with me.
I dont think I'm actually gay, because most people discover that they're gay because they develop a crush on someone who's the same gender. I have never been attracted to a girl. I'm just afraid that I'm going to be attracted to one. And yet, I have a boyfriend. It's really confusing.
This all started about a year ago. My one friend came out to us and said she was bi. Of course that kinda freaked me out. I'm the type of person who over analyzes eeevvveeerrryyyttthhhiiinnnggg, so I had to sit there and think “what if I'm gay too?” and I started freaking out about it because I couldn't stop thinking about it. I eventually sorted my mind out and mostly forgot about it, then recently, I went to a sleep over, and my bi friend kept going on about how hot she thinks Alice Cullen from Twilight is. I didn't sleep at all that night (I never do at sleep overs) and so the next day I was pretty much delirious. I get weird when I'm exhausted, and I started thinking about the “what if I'm gay” thing again. And ever since I've been in constant panic.
When I was younger, I thought homosexuality was gross and extremely wrong (please, don't bash. I'm not here to bash. Just stating how I feel.) and I still think it's gross and wrong. And I've always had celebrity crushes and stuff, all on guys. I never even considered being gay until my friend came out. And I probably wouldn't have thought about it if she didn't come out.
I think there are a couple other reasons why I'm freaking out about this too. I was a tom boy when I was younger. I have an older brother who I get along with very well, and when we were young, we played all kinds of games together. I'd say i'm a lot girlier now, but I still like Star Wars and Lord of the Rings and all that stuff commonly associated with boys. Because society's so jacked up and stupid today, if a boy likes anything girly or a girl likes anything boyish, it makes them gay. I have a friend (different friend) who really likes video games and listens to hardcore death metal music. She's straight, but she told me people think she's gay because of those reasons. I like video games and hardcore music too. Not death metal, but still pretty hardcore. Though I don't like video games as much as I used to.
I'll kinda map out my feelings for you. If I see a hot guy, I'll be like 'ooh he's hot' and stuff like that. Which is normal. If I see a pretty girl, I'll be like 'I'm not attracted to her am I?'. I'm afraid that if I keep thinking like this, I'll end up convincing myself that I'm attracted to girls against my will. Which doesn't really make sense
but they say that your sub-conscious mind believes whatever your conscious mind tells it, so I don't want to screw myself over. It's worse because I don't have any desire to have sex. Well, I do a little bit, but not a lot. I mean, I'm only 15 and I made a vow not to have sex before marriage. If I think about sex, I'll occasionally get excited, but I don't get like... aroused I guess. I really like my boyfriend, but we've only gone on two dates and haven't kissed or anything yet. So I can't base it off that. Though I do like being with him way more than any of my friends. And there's definitely chemistry there. And every time I'm with him, I pretty much forget all about this.
I've already made up my mind that if I turn out gay, I would ignore the feelings and just be single my whole life. But I don't want to be single, I want to get married and have a family. Which really should prove that I'm straight, but I still can't stop doubting myself.
This has really been bothering me. I've lost sleep over it, I've cried a lot about it, and Idk what to do. I don't really want to see a counselor, because I don't need my whole family thinking I'm a nut case. Maybe I am just a nut case. That would actually give me some peace of mind, because I'll have an explanation for my anxiety. Of course, there've been other things I've freaked out about. Like, once I started freaking out because I thought I was becoming anorexic. Not even kidding lol. I don't even know where that one came from.
I'm not trying to attention whore or anything. I just really need to talk about this. After talking to my mom, I felt better, but for some reason it still bothers me. I wish this would go away, because I know it's not healthy. Not only am I messing up my mind, but I get stomach aches from this, and I'm sure my blood pressures not gonna be great either. I'm 15 years old and I'm falling apart
I know a lot of you are gonna say “Does it matter?” well, it matters to me. I wouldn't be so upset about it if it didn't matter.
I think that's it. Sorry for the long post.
