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Fanfiction ► The Magical Lamp of Aladdin(KH/AiL Style!)



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K

Krazy

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The Magical Lamp of Aladdin(KH/AiL style!)

Meh, I'm bored. So I'm takin' a break from mah regular fics to make a random parody of the play I'm in. Probably only the Muffin Soldiers know who half these people are, but that's ok. :D

Rating: Like, teen. 'Cause of minor cussing {on my part... while I narrate... <.< >.>;}, and 'cause I called Sora a-

You'll see. ._."

The Cast

Jammal: a powerful magician, evil ~ Kanynt
Halima: His wicked sister ~ Namine
Genie of the Ring: A magical creature who can assume human form ~ Kat
Scheherazade: Teller of stories ~ Amme
Neela: Aladdin's sister, same age ~ Sanae
Mother: A poor widow, Aladdin is her son ~ Rikku
Merchant Woman: Angry with Aladdin ~ Shinobu
Neighbor: Angry with Alakazam~ Silver
Alakazam: Aladdin's mischievous monkey ~ Noelle(sorry, you seemed most suited for it! DON'T HURT ME! *cowers*}
Aladdin: A boy of the streets, always in trouble ~ Ketso <3
Chop-Chop: Royal executioner ~ Pickle xD
Princess Jasmine: Daughter of the sultan ~ ...Mehself... *stamps "Un-Sue-ish" on forehead*
Zara: Serving maid to the princess ~ Myra
Sheba: another ~ Makai
Queen Sultana: Wife of the sultan, a scold ~ Sabrina
Sultan: Ruler of Shammar ~ Riku(damn, that sucks)
Ali Bubba: Distant relative to the queen, a blockhead ~ Sora >=D
Dragon: Guardian of the cave ~ Hoomhaha
Genie of the Jewels: Another magical creature who can assume human form ~ Gertard- Gerard.
Genie of the Lamp: another, most powerful of all ~ WM
Voice of the Dragon('cause Hoomhaha can't talk) ~ Aozora

ACT ONE

Scene One​

A small table is set up at center stage, several knick-knacks upon it and a stool beside it. A wooden screen shaped somewhat like Arabian palace spires and painted crimson and ebony is beyond this set-up, separating it from the rest of the limited space of the stage.

"A thousand curses on a thousand books that never reveal the secret hiding place of the lamp!" complains a strong voice from backstage, and through the far left cutain enters an evil-looking teenage boy wearing dark clothing with a jeweled dagger at his side. Wild eyes prod at the pages of the thick volume he carries in his arms, desperately flipping through the heavy book.

"What good are books when they reveal nothing?!" The teen continued ranting to himself angrily, still searching the torn and tattered book, "Page after page describing useless charms and foolish incantations!"

"Enough of books!" He was now at the small table, and, in a fury, the turbanned teen slammed the thick volume shut and carelessly threw it onto the wooden surface, "Begone! Miserable journal of mumbo-jumbo!"

The dark-clothed teen clenched his fists and shook them in the air at the center of the stage, towards the audience, "Am I never to possess this lamp?!" He shouted to the apparent sky.

From behind the screen, a teenage girl entered, holding a crystal ball in her hands. Blonde hair and half her face covered by a veil, and cobalt eyes regarding the boy before her cooly, "Brother, calm yourself. Cool your temper."

Upon hearing her, the boy stepped back, half-turning to her, "Ah, Halima, sister. If only I could. What is it I have dreamed of possessing for years and years?"

As he said this, the blonde girl, Namine as Halima, sat delicately in the chair, looking out past the audience, and the ebony-clothed boy was behind her, grasping her shoulders and also gazing outward.

"The wonderful, magical lamp of ancient China. Lost for centuries..." Halima answered her brother faithfully.

"I am a powerful magician, Halima, "The teen declared to his sister, crossing to the right of the stage.

Halima instantly rose at this, following her brother to his position on the sand-colored floor, "The most powerful in the entire world!" She reassured the dark-clothed teen.

"I could be... if the lamp were mine..." Halima's brother mused to himself, "Perhaps it is only a legend, after all... My books mention the wonderful, magical lamp, but there are no maps. No clues...!"

"With that lamp, the world would be your's, brother." Namine, Halima, said with a wave of her hand.

He nervously began to pace back and forth across the stage, muttering under his breath but still heard by the audience, "The lamp! The lamp! Always the lamp!"

"Gentle your nerves, Jammal, "Halima said calmly, finally revealing the magician's name so I don't have to use odd things to describe him anymore, "I have good news."

Halima smiled somewhat cruelly at her brother, intentionally prolonging his anticipation at her declaration before finally, "I have found the wonderful... magical lamp...!

"What?!" Jammal exclaimed, immediately approaching her, eyes wide with shock.

"See for yourself. Look into the crystal, "Halima suggested, holding the transparent orb out to her brother.

"Eh?" Jammal's hands circled the shining sphere and finally rested upon its crystalline surface, carefully looking into the mirroring glass.

As her brother took ahold of the crystal, Halima continued smugly, "You have always mocked the power of the crystal, but when you see what it contains, you will mock no more."

Jammal tried to pierce his gaze through the glass's interior, "I see nothing. All is cloudy... like watery milk."

"Patience, "Halima instructed, passing her hand over the crystal and saying respectfully, "Mighty crystal, hear my pleasure. I seek the lamp and all its treasure."

Jammal, fascinated as he gazed into the crystal, murmured in awe, "The clouds within drift away...!"

"Make it clear, the lamp is near," Halima continued chanting slowly into the transparent orb.

"Look!" Jammal exclaimed excitedly, and his sister stepped beside him to gaze into the crystal, "The lamp! I see the lamp!"

Halima lowered her eyes to level them with the small sphere of prophetic... greatness, "Locked within a cave."

"Where is this cave?" Jammal demanded of his sister, assuming she knew.

"Put the crystal to your ear. It will tell you, "Halima said wisely.

You have chosen... wisely...

Indiana Jones.

Ahem...

"This is, indeed, a wondrous piece of glass..." Jammal commented truthfully, lifting the crystal to his ear and listening intently.

To a piece of glass.

Crazy-ass cracker.

ANYWAY.

"Do you hear the voice within the crystal?" Halima questioned curiously.

Jammal smiled cruelly, "Yes, yes... The crystal is telling me what I wish to know!" The magician was silent for a moment, listening, "It whispers... 'Shammar'. The city of Shammar! The lamp resides in the Valley of the Moon. In a deep, dark cave. The entrance of the cave is marked by a vulture circling overhead!"

He was now delirious with joy, "Wonderful! Wonderful!!" He paused, listening to the crystal once more, "What's this?" A silence, then Jammal lowered the crystal, facing Halima with a solumn expression, "The crystal says only a boy with the name of 'Aladdin' can fetch the lamp. Anyone else who attempts to do so will---

"Die!" Halima finished eagerly with a malicious grin.

"Why has this crystal never spoken before?" Jammal demanded of his sister.

"Who can fathom the ways of the crystal?" Halima replied mysteriously, "It is enough that it has spoken."

"You are wise beyond your years, Halima!" Jammal complimented, then, "We will go to Shammar and seek out this... 'Aladdin'."

"We must make preparations, "Halima offered all-knowingly, "Shammar is in another country. It will be a long journey."

Jammal looked at his sister in disbelief at her words, "Have you forgotten my powers? Do you think I am a great magician for nothing?!" He passed the crystal back to Halima, holding up his hand to the audience to reveal the many rings he wore, and one is much larger than the others, clearly surpassing the other rings' importance.

"I have but to rub and the Genie of the Ring will appear and do my bidding!" The towel-head exclaimed, and a girl suddenly leaped out from behind the screen, grinning widely.

Kanynt, as Jammal, whirled around to glare at the girl, hissing lowly, "Not. Yet."

The girl slowly crept back behind the screen, and Kanynt turned back to the audience as Halima tried to save the scene, "I had forgotten the Genie of the Ring."

Jammal began to rub the large ring, a smile growing on his lips, "Genie of the Ring, unless you've flown, hear me well and make yout presence known! I, Jammal, command it!" He lifted his arms to the sky, calling down thunder.

Silence.

Kanynt's eye twitched, and Namine peeked her head behind the wooden screen, "Now you go!"

A small 'oh!' was heard, and a tall brunette girl dressed in Arabian fashion trotted onto the stage and salaamed to the audience, calling out, "Behold! You see before you the Genie of the Ring. Ask, and if it's within my power, you shall have your wish."

"Hear me well, Genie of the Ring, "Jammal spoke feircely.

The brunette knelt down before the holder of the ring, "Yes, Master?"

"We wish to be transported at once to the city of Shammar!" Jammal declared to the magical being before him.

"So far away, Shammar..." Genie of the Ring trailed off, looking away and thinking of the great distance.

"Never mind about that! You heard my brother's wish, "Halima said sternly.

"I hear and I obey, "Genie of the Ring responded, getting to her feet and addressing the audience once more. "Camels are slow, jackels are swift. Step on my carpet, and then I'll lift. Over the land and over the sea, soon in Shammar City you will be!" Thunder crashed as the brunette took off down the steps and down through the center aisle of the house - where the audience sat.

End of Scene One

{Prior to Scene One, backstage, my PoV}​

As the far-too-catchy music began, Sora began shuffling around like an idiot - which he was, and not just in this play. Many eyes watched his ungraceful form, most of which were twitching. Slapping a hand to my forehead, I laid a firm hand on Sora's shoulder, ceasing the annoying scuffling. Looking the other brunette straight in the eye with a scowl, I finally sighed.

"Sora... You're a cracker."

"...What?"

"You... are the WHITEST... WHITE PERSON... ever CRACKED-OUT to be." I explained truthfully, and then left the spiky-haired teen, who only shrugged and resumed his contagious dancing.
 
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Thelonepickle

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XDDDDDDDDD

Too funnay! XDDDDDDDD

I <3 teh fic. >.>; *goes to maybe possibly udpart own*
 
T

TheClamWhisperer

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Thanks to this I have dropped my ginger ale from laughing so hard. I cant wait for Scene Two! Awesome job K_K.

Monkey...

*eats banana*
 
K

Krazy

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Scene Two (Part One, 'cause this scene is too long to write the whole thing at once)​

As the lights come up, you see you are no longer in Jammal's tower as in Scene One, but a bazaar-looking area, with a small table and stool set up in the far right corner, and the screen is gone, revealing colorful tapastries to cover the walkways of Shammar. Several merchants attend to their wares, and as the music dies down, you hear a voice from the audience.

"Stories! Buy a story from Scheherazade. I have all kinds of stories, "A teenage girl moved slowly through the aisle, walking backwards and addressing the audience, her customers, "Read about the ebony horse that grew wings, the prince who met a witch, the husband that could converse with a parrot, "Now at the stairs to reach up to the stage, the girl, Amme as Scheherazade, climbed up the steps while saying, "Stories, stories!"

As Scheherazade crossed to the left of the stage(audience's left), another girl entered through the up right entrance, holding a wicker basket and calling out, "Apples! I have apples! The finest apples in the city of Shammar!"

Amme death-glared Sanae, then turned back to the audience with a smile, "If you cannot read, I will recite. About the pickle and kat(:)D)), the crows and the hawk, the tale of the serpent-charmer and his wife. Stories! Buy a story from Scheherazade, "The teller of stories exited out of the far left curtain, nearly getting lost in the mass of maroon cloth.

As Scheherazade made her leave, the other girl stepped closer to the audience, "Apples! They are tasty...! And they are ripe! Apples! The sweetest apples in the city of Shammar!"

A much older girl entered through the curtain, approaching the apple-seller carefully with a confused expression, "Neela, my daughter. Why are you carrying the apples? That's your brother's job, "Neela's mother looked over her daughter's shoulder, "Isn't Aladdin with you?" She questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Who knows where Aladdin is? He goes wherever the wind takes him, "Neela commented with a frown, setting down her basket of apples on the small table.

Neela's mother sighed, "I hope he hasn't been talking with Sinbad again. That sailor is always filling Aladdin's head with dreams of travel and adventure."

Another teenage girl came in through an entrance up left, holding an egg in her hand with a stern expression, "It must stop! I won't have it! I'll have the boy arrested!"

Neela's mother exchanged glances with her daughter, "It's something about Aladdin. I can feel it in my bones..." She put on a brave face, turning back to the angry lady, "Good morning to you, Merchant Woman of Shammar."

Hah, I love it when the people have no identity. 'Merchant Woman'. You know it's funny.

"Don't you 'good morning' me!" Shinobu as Merchant Woman snapped in annoyance at Mother, "I'm in no mood to be put off! I'm here to complain about your son."

"...Aladdin?" Neela and her Mother asked in unison.

"Of course, Aladdin, "Merchant Woman said in an all-knowing tone to Mother and Neela, "You only have one son, and you only have one brother!" She accused.

"What's Aladdin done now?" Mother asked with a sigh.

Merchant Woman held out an apparently-normal egg to Neela and her Mother, "This!"

...He did the egg...?

Are they going to have little egglets?

"He laid an egg?" Neela asked obliviously at the sight of the white-shelled sphere Merchant Woman held.

"I know his tricks!" She declared, showing the audience the egg, "He made a hole in the shell and drank out the yolk, "Merchant Woman stepped back to Neela and Mother, expression stern once more, "If a customer purchased this egg, my reputation as an honest merchant would be ruined!

...Why would anyone willingly eat egg yolk...?

A silver-haired boy with identical eyes entered through up right, freezing at the sight of Mother, Neela, and Merchant Woman. The boy looked up at the ceiling, mouthing a 'thank you' for being the only boy on stage with three hot chicks at once. Then he remembered his part, holding up a skateboard, broken in half and the boy's eyes began to tear at the horrific sight.

"Dude, look! Look what she did! Tried to use my skateboard but it was too awesome for her and it broke! Right in half! Man, I'm so mad... I WANT HER ARRESTED AND PUT IN A CAGE!" The boy declared angrily, and there was a collective sigh from backstage. After saying this, the teen put a finger to his chin thoughtfully, "A cage? What kinda punishment is that?" A perverted grin grew wide on the boy's face.

When would Silver stop being ... himself ... while he's supposed to be in character?!

And ... They didn't have skateboards back then, idiot!

"Aladdin?" Mother and Neela questioned together after 'Neighbor' had ranted about his poor skateboard.

Hah, he has no identity.

"No, dude. His pet monkey. And I do love monkies but... My skateboard!" Silver eyes glistened with oncoming tears, and Neighbor clutched onto what was left of his skateboard.

"Alakazam?" Neela and Mother echoed together.

"Dude, that monkey is evil! It's just like Aladdin! Only... hairier... And it can't talk. And it's a chick. Now that I think about it, you should shove Aladdin in a cage, too. Krazy would flip."

Hell yeah I would.

"That's not fair!" Neela objected, trying to defend her brother in question, "Aladdin may be too high-spirited, but he has a good heart."

Merchant Woman scoffed, "Tell that to this egg."

"Tell that to what's left of my skateboard!" Neighbor exclaimed, the tears coming upon him once more.

Alakazam, Aladdin's pet monkey, abruptly ran in through the up left entrance, wildly waving a scarf over her head, emitting monkey hoots and grunts. The monkey leaped about the stage, all the while swinging the scarf around her head noisily.

"It's Alakazam!" Neela said, and the women huddled together in the far corner, shouting, their cries criss-crossing over one another.

"Careful! She may bite! The create has NO discipline."

"Alakazam, stop it!

"Alakazam! Alakazam!"

"SHAZAM!"

Suddenly a new voice exclaimed, "Alakazam, that's enough!" From a high loft swung down a blonde-haired boy with shimmering emerald eyes, dressed in a ragged fashion.

Immediately, Alakazam ceased his wild antics and calmly stepped to her master. Aladdin, arms akimbo, looking down at his monkey, "Aren't you ashamed of yourself? Carrying on like a naughty child. That scarf doesn't belong to you!" Ketso as Aladdin reprimanded Alakazam.

Sighing, Aladdin asked, "Where did you get it?"

Alakazam shrugged every-so-helpfully.

"Give it here, "Aladdin commanded, holding out his hand towards the mischievous monkey, who let out a few audible moans and groans before finally relenting, reluctantly handing her master the stolen scarf.

The blonde boy carefully examined the soft silk article, "It's a nice scarf..." Alakazam nodded rapidly in agreement.

Merchant Woman sternly approached Aladdin, holding out her holey egg, "Thanks you to, Aladdin, this egg is worthless!"

Silver as 'Neighbor' shook the two pieces of his broken skateboard in the blonde's face, "And thanks to that so-not-pwning monkey, I can never ride again!" Tears began to well up in his eyes once more, and he had to turn away to avoid everyone's curious gazes as he sobbed.

Aladdin ignored Silver's mock-crying, stepping towards the Merchant Woman and blocking the audiences' view of the mourning Neighbor, "One thousand pardons. Hunger overcame me, and I knew you had the freshest and finest eggs in all of Shammar. I couldn't resist!" Ketso as Aladdin glanced at the scarf in his hands before offering it to the angry lady, "Won't you accept this as payment?"

Merchant Woman pushed the scarf away, snapping, "I don't want payment, I want you to stop your your mischief!"

Regardless of her reply, Aladdin shoved the silk garment into her arms, jumped over to Neela's basket full of apples(Silence, Silver), snatching two and popped back over to Neighbor, "I apologize for my monkey. Won't you take these apples and let me know he's forgiven?"

Silver regarded Aladdin through narrowed, angry eyes, "Maybe... If you buy me a new board. And quit giving me that 'sympathy' look. It's hard to stay mad at you with it, "Silver casually walked over to Mother and Neela, throwing his arms around their shoulders with a wide, perverted grin, "It's your poor mother and sister I worry about. Being so hot and lonely. You're a dreamer."

"You're lazy!" Merchant Woman added sternly.

"You're incorrigible, "Neela reprimanded, trying not to smack Silver.

Mother nodded, agreeing, "And your never around when you're needed. In short---"

"You're Aladdin!" They all said in angry unison, and the emerald-eyed blonde boy bowed comically to the others.

From the audience's center aisle came the crash of symbols, followed by a new voice, commanding and just SCREAMING 'respect mah authoritah!', "Inside! Inside! Shut the doors and bar the windows! It is forbidden to look upon the face of Princess Jasmine!"

Yeah, 'cause I'm just so hideous.

"It's the Royal Executioner!" Silver exclaimed in mock-surprise, throwing a hand to his face.

"From the palace!" Declared Merchant Woman with no identity, worried.

"What's she shouting?" Neela asked the others around her.

"I can't make it out, "Her mother responded, squinting her eyes, as if that would help her hear better.

A short brunette girl, looking suspiciously like a miniature version of Genie of the Ring, marched onto the stage, shouldering a deadly-looking scimitar and contiunuing her calls of, "Inside! Inside! Shut the doors and bar the windows! It is forbidden to look upon the face of Princess Jasmine!"

Aladdin, fearless of this newcomer, approached the Royal Executioner, "Excuse me... ma'am. But are you Chop-Chop the Royal Executioner?"

"Why else would I carry a curved blade, fool?" This 'Chop-Chop' snapped back, and, from backstage, I half-wondered if that 'fool' part was in the script.

Aladdin shrugged uncertainly, "I only ask 'cause there's also a Chop-Chop who sells used camels... And a Chop-chop who sells rancid cooking oil... AND a Chop-chop who---"

"There is only ONE Chop-Chop who matters! ME!!" The Royal Executioner interupted Aladdin, turning to the audience and holding up her scimitar, gaining a chorus of feigned applause from her onlookers, aiming to placate the Executioner's wrath.

"Thank you, most kind, "Chop-Chop said, grinning obliviously at the 'praise'. Pickle later claimed she was only acting.

Psh.

"May I introduce my monkey?" Aladdin piped up, and, not waiting for an answer, gestured to the chittering animal beside him, "Alakazam."

The small monkey jumped forward excitedly, bowing carefully to the Royal Executioner, who is unimpressed, "I have little to do with monkies. They smell and scratch." KEEP THAT IN CONTEXT, SILVER!

Alakazam hissed nastily at Chop-Chop, swinging her sharpened nails at the Royal Executioner, who held up her deadly scimitar threateningly.

"Yeah, dude! Someone understands!" Silver exclaimed in agreement, throwing up his hands, exasperated.

He was butchering the script. Seriously.

"May I ask... Ma'am, "Aladdin spoke up to Chop-Chop, "what an executioner does at the palace?"

...Seems rather self-explainitory to me.

Chop-Chop wrinkled her nose at the pure stupidity of this inquiry, "What an insolent lad. I thought everyone knew. An executioner chops. That's why I'm called Chop-Chop instead of... Chip-Chip."

A giggle could be heard from backstage. Sorry, that was me. I find this script hilarious. At least until Silver just plain killed it.

"Yes, but what do you chop...?" Aladdin prodded, ever-curious. Either that or he wanted to be annoying. Or he just honestly didn't know. Since it's Ketso, we'll go with the last one.

Chop-Chop shrugged, "Heads, mostly, "The other woman around the Royal Execution gasped, "Sometimes hands. It really doesn't matter. I'm not particular."

Oh, that's nice. I want my executioner to be CHOP-CHOP!

Aladdin grinned, taking Chop-Chop's hand and shaking it rapidly, "Delighted to make your acquaintaince!"

Oh, no... I sense Aladdin/Chop-Chop fics...

The Royal Executioner pulled away from Aladdin's grasp, throwing a death glare his way, "To whom does this strange boy belong?!" She bellowed, angered.

Aladdin's mother stepped forward, wringing her hands nervously, "I am his mother, ma'am. I am a widow, "The blonde woman gestured to the baskets full of fresh produce, "A poor woman who sells apples and vegetables."

"I am his sister, "Neela offered, bowing a bit.

And yet, no one cared.

Chop-Chop stepped toward to two, sure that Aladdin wouldn't hear, but the blonde boy leaned their way and listened in on the conversation anyway, "If I were you two, I'd keep the fellow locked up."

Locked... up? ...Kinky.

"I think the boy may be mad. No one has ever shaken the hand of the Royal Executioner. It just isn't done, "Chop-Chop continued after my squealing had ceased from backstage.

Aladdin popped out of the way, looking innocent as Chop-Chop turned back to him, a glare working its way onto her features.

"You don't know Aladdin, "Merchant Woman said, crossing her arms sternly.

"He does whatever he wants, dude!" Silver as 'Neighbor' added, scowling.

"Ma'am... miss... lady... executioner, "Aladdin spoke up, changing the subject, "why must no one look upon the face of Princess Jasmine?"

Because they might be blinded or scarred for life.

"It's a rule, "Chop-Chop growled, her fingers stroking the scimitar she held.

Aladdin had this 'well, duh' look, "Yes, but why is it a rule?"

"You ask too many questions, boy, "The Royal Executioner snapped, and her declaration was followed by a crash of symbols; Chop-Chop turned to the others, "Dispatch yourselves to your homes! At once! Otherwise I CHOP and I CHOP!"

Chop-Chop slashed left and right with her curved blade, causing the woman to shriek and scurry offstage. Silver was still present, so Pickle went out of character to kick him in the shins, sending the Pervy Pirate offstage with hurt tears welling up in his silver eyes. Before going offstage, Alakazam snatched the scarf she had originally stolen out of Merchant Woman's hands.

Aladdin was starry-eyed at Chop-Chop's exaggerated performance, "You're pretty good with that... Have you ever thought of taking up juggling?"

What's that got to do with swinging around a shiny sword?

Taking this as a great insult, Chop-Chop lifts her scimitar over her head, preparing to bring it down on Aladdin. The blonde boy swiftly leaped out of the way, leaving the sword to slice into the ground. Aladdin escaped off the stage after Alakazam.

The Royal Executioner growled, angry Aladdin had evaded her attack, "Wretched boy. Next time, I won't miss!" Chop-Chop summoned back all her dignity and paraded off stage, calling as she exits, "Inside! Inside! Shut the doors and bar the windows! It is forbidden to look upon the face of Princess Jasmine!"

{*~[___] If you read that whole thing, I congratulate you. xD Seriously. It's longer than I thought. ._. Just imagine if I had put the whole scene in one updart. o.o; [___]~*}​
 
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Thelonepickle

I don't like bugs!
Joined
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Messages
3,592
I she be pwnifiyin'.

=D

Sank you, Krazy. XD It pwned.

>_>

*kills the poor sucker who dares to actually write a Chop-chop/Aladdin Fic*

>_>
 
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