• Hello everybody! We have tons of new awards for the new year that can be requested through our Awards System thanks to Antifa Lockhart! Some are limited-time awards so go claim them before they are gone forever...

    CLICK HERE FOR AWARDS

The Poet's Tome



REGISTER TO REMOVE ADS
Joined
May 16, 2014
Messages
109
Awards
3
Location
Philippines
Website
the-blue-wraith.tumblr.com
Pariah

Once I stepped into this place

Eyes were focused on my face
Evasive atmosphere got into me
That I almost fell in a sinkhole


Rags and riches
Roaming around with their own quest
The luxury and the shady
All around invading as one


High buildings staring over me
They stare as if I'm an outcast
Wide streets carrying me
Feels like I'm about to blast


Dreams went scared and overwhelmed
Is it impossible to reach it?
If you wish to get better
Find your own bravado
 
Joined
May 16, 2014
Messages
109
Awards
3
Location
Philippines
Website
the-blue-wraith.tumblr.com
Solitude

Reflecting is all I do

With an idle mind, everything's seems blue
I don't mind if people left me
As long as I am with myself


Lonely heart with a thoughtful mind
Chasing after imaginary things
Staying up late at night
Thinking about obscure fantasies


I'm in deep solitude
In this daily mood
Quiet atmosphere is what I need
To prevent the noise and dilemma
 

Recon

Art of War
Joined
Jul 22, 2009
Messages
5,463
Awards
18
You had some decent lines. The near rhyme “solitude” and “daily mood” is a good one. But the “feels like I’m about to blast” needs work. Sounds like your about to ejaculate.

Try A, B A, B stanzas. Remember A, A, A, B always throws off the reader. It makes them ponder. You can even use a question mark for deep meaning and self reflection.
 
Joined
May 16, 2014
Messages
109
Awards
3
Location
Philippines
Website
the-blue-wraith.tumblr.com
You had some decent lines. The near rhyme “solitude” and “daily mood” is a good one. But the “feels like I’m about to blast” needs work. Sounds like your about to ejaculate.

Try A, B A, B stanzas. Remember A, A, A, B always throws off the reader. It makes them ponder. You can even use a question mark for deep meaning and self reflection.

Thanks for the criticism. I'll improve my writings next time. My friend said I should post some of my poems I've made, so I decided to post them here.
 
Joined
May 16, 2014
Messages
109
Awards
3
Location
Philippines
Website
the-blue-wraith.tumblr.com
Alone

I know I'm different
I always fret

Some people think I'm a mess
The truth is they don't see my best


Lurking in the shadows
Staying in the meadows
Seeing people buzzing around
I'm just an outcast blending in the crowd


Two-faced people and their evil schemes
Makes a mess on their own means
The world's cruel, you're not alone
We'll surpass this on our own
 

Nutari

The Scotsman
Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
2,855
Awards
3
Location
Milwaukee
As an English graduate, I find great value in poetry. May I suggest you toy with different poetry styles? I find that different structures tend to challenge you to say what you mean in deeper ways. That's not to say that your poetry is not deep! I'm merely musing, for I have a strange love for villanelles.
 
Top