Birth by Sleep

[Dawninmyheart]

Birth by Sleep
by Dawninmyheart

Why am I excited about BBS?
Let me count the ways:
First, it is part of a series over which I obsess.
Second, it looks to be better than Days.​

Third, Axel – via Lea – will again be in the limelight,
But do not forget about his friend Isa,
Whose nobody clung to the moonlight.​

Fourth, Zack Fair will appear,
Wearing his smile that is not so rare
And bringing his friends courage and cheer.​

Fifth, I hope to learn more of the Heartless
And that troublesome Organization XIII –
For mysteries surround them in excess.​

Sixth, Deep Space promises to be great,
Considering I have a fondness for Lilo and Stitch,
And it will definitely be worth the wait.​

Seventh, Terra caught my eye from the beginning –
I can’t wait to play his story,
But I wonder why I never see him grinning.​

Eighth, the gameplay looks fun,
With all the new summons and buttons –
In my opinion, it’ll be second to none.​

Why am I excited about Birth by Sleep?
In the end, I look forward to everything about it.
With the game on the way, I’ll definitely lose sleep.
The Clock is counting down, bit by bit.​

-------​

This is my first poem - please be kind, but still point out mistakes. I actually submitted this for the Birth by Sleep countdown.​

 

[Fallen Prince]

I liked it, I'll admit that I'm not amazing at poetry, but it seems like a good mixture of anticipation and hope. Good job.

 

[Dawninmyheart]

Thank you!

 

[LongLiveLife]

I really like the light-hearted tone you sustain through the poem, and it is really helped by the rhyme. Generally, I avoid rhyme schemes like the plague, but I believe you did good with it. The poem definitely put a smile on my face.

I like the regular structure of the stanzas, and that the beginning and end stanzas have a different line count to the middle stanzas.

As Fallen Prince has said, you do a good job with keeping the mood of the poem one of suspense and anticipation. I feel, though, that you are lacking in poetic devices, such as metaphor and simile. While these elements are not required to make a good poem, they are available for you to use nonetheless. It feels like you are putting an essay together in stanzas.

That said, I want to end by emphasizing how much I truly enjoyed reading this. I probably contributed 25% of your 100 view count! I kept coming back here to read it again and again, trying to come up with something intelligent to say apart from, "wow dis iz relli gud".

I hope to see more poetry sometime soon!

 

[Dawninmyheart]

Thanks for the input! I don't have any immediate plans to write another poem as of right now. If it weren't for the fact I wanted to submit something besides "I'm like totally excited about BBS cuz..." for the countdown, I wouldn't have even written this. Anyways, you might be interested in my Kingdom Hearts Fanfic since you liked this. Check it out.