Help/Support ► Dealing with Loss

[Katurian]

Okay, so I really don't want be depressing or anything, but a really good friend of mine committed suicide 3 weeks ago and then a week ago today my other friend, his girlfriend, also committed suicide. I feel really dumb because I have always been the strong friend who was there for people when they were sad. And now that I'm sad, I don't want to go to any of my friends with my problem because I'm afraid I'll look weak and stupid. All of this has really been affecting my school work. I'm weeks behind in most of my classes... and I'm usually a straight A student and I have been on the Dean's list for the last 3 semesters. I'm just afraid I won't be able to get it together enough to bring my grades back up.

I also can't help but think I could have done something. I know that I couldn't have but Brendan has been one of my really good friends for years and we even dated my senior year of high school. I just ... I don't know... I feel numb sort of.... bleh >_<

Feel free to say what you want, I'm just really look for advice on how to move forward rather than just sitting around and thinking so much about it....

 

[AlbertJ]

Im really sorry to hear about your friends. The best advice I can give is to try to stay strong. And try not to worry about feeling "weak or stupid". I understand why you would feel like that though. Ive been there. If you cant go to your friends, try to find someone you can talk to. It may be hard but hopefully you will feel better if you are able to express how you feel without worrying about what people will think of you. I hope this was able to help you in any way.

 

[Zero]

Im really sorry about your loss and I havent really been through something like that but thats too much to keep inside, you should talk to somebody about that and like AlbertJ said, dont worry about feeling weak or stupid cause that makes it even worse. So find a family member, close friend, or anybody that will listen to you so you can get that all out.

 

[Zero Sora]

Ego and pride will end us all. The fact that you think you'll seem weak and stupid is because you have pride and an ego. Everyone needs to rely on others for help sometimes, even me. And I'm pretty much the same way as you. I'm the one who helps all of my friends when they are in trouble or sad or just need help. So I can understand how you feel when you yourself need help. But trust me, going to someone else for help doesn't mean you're weak, hell, they won't probably won't even see you as weak, just a friend that needs them. And isn't feeling needed one of the greatest feelings? So just go and ask for help. Don't feel ashamed. Letting your ego and pride get the better of you is what really makes you weak.

 

[Katurian]

Thanks everyone. I know I should talk to someone and I tried to talk to my guyfriend thing but he blew me off and said he had his own problems to deal with...

I recently moved to Chicago to live on my own so most of my good friends and all of my family live back home and my room mate has enough of his own problems that I don't want to trouble him...

 

[Relix]

Sorry to hear about your loss. I've had my share of losses. I personally think that even though most of your close friends are out of physical reach doesn't mean you shouldn't phone them and try talking to them that way. I'm sure you're coping well and it's alright to lean on others. the worse will come to pass. I'm sure you'll find a way to work things out and get back on track in school, just take it a step at a time.

ps: as weird as it sounds (and as rude as we all may be at times) we are also here (which i'm sure you've noticing seeing how you posted this on here in the first place) but yeah. you find friends in the strangest of places.

 

[daxter fan]

What's done is done. You can either swell in sorrow and risk yourself getting into a depression yourself, or either look at the past and use it to make you a better person. You may or you may have not had the chance to save those guys, either way it's the past. And although the impact is as strong as it is, life goes on. Good luck.

 

[Fortissimo]

I am so sorry for what you have lost. I know you want to be strong, but you can't move on until you have properly grieved over your loss. You just have to let it all out. I know how it is, I have gone though loss and i found that keeping the stiff upper lip has just made everything much, much worse. Its okay to go to others for help. I'm sure they wont think of you as weak, especially if you are usually the shoulder to cry on. Surround yourself with loved ones and open up. It's tough, but it helps so much. Sit with friend, share your thoughts, and remember those you have lost. Eventually, you will be able to move on.
I hope this helps you.

 

[Katurian]

Thanks everyone. I read all of you're advice and I have been working through things over the last couple of weeks. Things are going a lot better, although there are still a lot of tihngs that remind me of both of them. I'm just living life day by day and I did open up to a friend of mine here which has really helped. Thanks again guys I really appreciate it