Help/Support ► Outgoing?

[Mason Stark]

Well, all of the stuff I searched for on being 'more outgoing' might've been helpful, but it's kinda hard to do some of that stuff when you can't meet people. X: So, I'M GOING HERE FOR HELP. This is randomly bugging me and probably not nearly as important as other things, so I completely understand if not many people try to help me out. Other people need more help with their problems!

Truth be told, I'm a REALLY shy person. I might not be able to shut up on here but, in reality and sometimes online, I'm a VERY VERY VERY VERY shy person. I rarely talk to anyone who isn't my mom and I can barely talk to my dad and some of my relatives because I don't talk to them much. Yes, I'm THAT shy. I'm also really self conscious, which makes things a million times worse. Go me? I'm trying to become more outgoing and not that secluded little shy kid anymore 'cause quite frankily, it's making me a bit depressed. I have one real life friend, that is also mainly an online friend, and it's very hard for me to make friends, especially if they don't share the same interests of Disney theme parks, The World Ends With You, and Kingdom Hearts. To make matters worse, I'm homeschooled and, because my parents work and I can't really go out by myself, I can't meet new people. I used to go to a teen group at a cafe and everyone would talk about stuff for an hour, but I always sat there just listening to their stories. I didn't say a word the whole time, unless someone actually said something to me and that would be one word. I go to church, though, but I haven't gone actively so now I have less of a chance to be more outgoing.

I might be getting a job during the summer, though I could just go get one right now, and my parents keep on saying that that's how I'm going to become more outgoing. However, that's not the only way and I definitely know that it's not.

Now that I've horribly rambled, HOW THE HECK DO I BECOME MORE OUTGOING WHEN I CAN'T REALLY MEET PEOPLE? D| Should I just randomly talk to people when I go to stores? Random people on the street? Say hello to everyone who walks past me? [though that would be weird after a while D:] I go to an art class every week, though, but I actually don't talk to my teacher very much. Do you think I should try talking to my teacher more?

Thanks in advance! And, yet again, I'M SORRY I'M RAMBLING D: I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO READ THIS LONG POST SORRYYYY *hides in box*

 

[violent_anger]

Do you think I should try talking to my teacher more?

HA!

Should I just randomly talk to people when I go to stores? Random people on the street? Say hello to everyone who walks past me?

So I noticed we both are the same species, wanna be friends?

Anyone kids in art class you could make friends with? It's not exactly brain surgery.
'wow, that drawing kicks ass, what's it called?' and so on. 'Course you said you're shy, so that might be a problem. If you really can't just say hi to someone, I'd say you should look for other people as shy as yourself. They hunger for belonging as much as you do.

 

[Mason Stark]

Uhh. Problem with that. D: It's a private art class. There's only me there. >.>;

 

[afrobutt]

Use the word zetta as much as possilbe in every conversation, for example...

'wow, that drawing is zetta awsome, what's it called?

took me 10 secs to think of that

anyway, seriousness

You can't rush such things, it just happens. The world works the way it wants to, if it wants something it happen it happens, and vice versa. Just chill until something happens

 

[Danica Syer]

Wow, you're are so much like me in real life except I think people at my school treat me as if I'm contagious disease at school and even when I'm talking, I feel as if they don't like me. Well my tip for you to be more outgoing and is just be yourself, be friendly, if your shy but you want to at least try and talk, start by saying, "Hi my name is," and all that stuff. And not to mention just be a nice person if your acknowledged, being friendly definitely helps and if your shy, it doesn't mean your mean or anything, it's normal and I'm like that myself although I can be a chatterbox on the internet and ONLY around people I feel comfortable around with and it sucks for chatterbox like me because but like I said, be yourself, go out there, be friendly and positive, DON'T even think about what other people are going to say/worry about them cuz they're not important unless it's your new friend or boss at your work or whatever. Well, anyway, hope this advice helps. Otherwise go to Wiki-How and look up on how to
be friendly/socialize, there'll def. be tips there! Hope this advice once again helps! Um, you should try talking to your teach more, maybe it could help you with your communication skills....err, if you get what I mean. (Btw it sounds like we have in common except I haven't played the World Ends with you, sorry random there).

 

[Ryu]

First I'd ask why all your classes are private/home schooled. If it's cause you're sick or a religious belief you want to pursue or something then there's nothing to do about that, but you could try joining a public class. Art, sports, music. The idea to that is to 1) meet new people who you at least share one common interest with, and 2) improve your skills in whatever class you choose to follow. Seeing yourself improve in something you enjoy boosts your self confidence, thus making you more outgoing.

And when you're out again with a group of people like at that cafe, try to take part in the conversation. It will probably feel scary the first few times, but that'll go away the more you do it.

 

[Taokitty]

Hmmm...

Perhaps try to smile at people. From my own experience, I was an extremely shy person [one of the reasons why I was depressed for so long] too and couldn't really do many things right it felt when it came to conversing....

Sadly, my advice isn't very enlightening, but hopefully it may help you in this situation [even if what I say it repetitive and not much, nor very useful to a degree but seeing it helped me, hopefully it shall help you].

There are people you sometimes see, as perhaps students from art class, or are you privately tutored? Well, scratch that question now for it's been answered. If you actually have to go leave the house to be tutored, perhaps ask if there's anything you can help with. When I was in elementary, I used to always find something to occupy my time to help the teachers with random things, and I would ask them questions, perhaps,"how's your day been?" Besides building a good reputation with that teacher, I believe it would be a good way to start talking to people because over time you may start to feel more casual with this teacher and not necessarily so shy. Also, seeing the child is an adult, your teacher may be able to help you more with life matters or advice perhaps.

What else...?

Though you don't necessarily have to say 'hi' to people randomly on the street [as mentioned before] you could try smiling at them. Tis a habit I personally developed when I told my Mother of my dilemma of wanting to be a friend with a particular child, yet afraid I would only bother her and seeing I was too shy to talk to the girl. Mother had said to me a friend doesn't necessarily have to be someone you hang out with or talk to that much, but a simple gesture as smiling or greeting a person is also what makes a friend [though my acknowledging smile seems more of a smirk....].

Do you take the bus by any chance? If there is someone you are intrigued rather by their appearance, or perhaps music you recognize, perhaps try to talk to them and make mention of that defining characteristic. Also telling them your feelings at that moment of sorry or you feel a bit awkward perhaps, but try to converse anyway after that's cleared.

I hope you do not mind me relating my own stories to your situation; I simply hope I will be able to understand you better by this and perhaps bring comfort by it [whether I was correct or not has yet to be proven] and I apologize if this seems like mundane advice. Perhaps what I've said will not help you or seems to be the obvious, but such small changes can start to make the world of difference.

Also, what type of clothing do you wear? Do you feel self-conscious by wearing it, or does it help protect against your self-conscious? If it is of the former, I would suggest getting clothing you feel more comfortable in mentally whether it be hoodies, or baggy jeans, or of the such.

As well, have you told yourself you will change? That instead of thinking,"I wish I could be this or that," saying that I will improve myself, I will become that? For example, say you feel regret for not partaking any information in that hour conversation at that cafe, do you regret it a bit? Instead of regretting, berate yourself for trying to regret and say improvement shall be made for there should be no regret. As idiotic as it may sound, it has helped me. Whatever you do though, don't think of it as looking at the 'bright side' but rather, looking at the logical side of things. Take note of things you wish to improve on by example and replacing the wishing by making those notes and saying you shall keep it in mind.

Again, I apologize if some of this seems top of the line and something that a Social Worker may say, but if it helps you, I am glad. It also may help to tap into your 'inner' thoughts. Surely you have a muse? Perhaps you have posted this muse separately in the furoms at some point? Give that muse life, allow that muse to think and speak to you [even if you have to create and imagine what the muse will say, give the muse life anyway] and let it become a part of you, as well as separate. If I recall correctly, this is similar to abstract thinking for that muse should be the one questioning your motives and asking you if that is what you truly wish for, or examining impulsive thoughts you may have. The muse will probably vary for you though.

Again, I apologize if I made not of sense, if you would like me to try to explain something in more detail to make it more understandable, please tell me so....

And of course, you are under no obligation to follow it, I would fear if I discovered that any of my suggestions started to give you a neutural tone that I am able to make in the furoms now! [as in the help I am trying to give you].

~Taokitty~

PS I fear this advice is too general and has not helped at all, if that is so, please forgive me for wasting your time then....

However [again], if there is anything you wish for me to clear up on or wish for me to explain in more detail or have a question or anything of that sort, please be free to tell me for I would like to try and help if I can, not sure how much help I can be, but....

 

[CAB_IV]

Look, if you are shy, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! Don't let anyone put you down for not being outgoing. You may just be introverted, which is fine. Don't let anyone tell you being an introvert is bad either. as an introvert, you don't really need ten thousand friends, you just need that inner circle, although that can be hard to get.

i'd know, i'm a 20 I/7 E on the Myers Briggs Personality test. This means i'm an ultra introvert of doom. and i'm mostly normal! *head twitch*.

just joking. Anyway, I think the real problem is the home-schooling. every home school kid i know has this issue, because it seems that you don't get the social expierience you need. the only way you can work on that is to join a club.

Now i know there is no way you are 7, but if you are the right age, scouting is a good alternative. I'm an eagle scout, and being involved has certainly helped me. Girl scouts can work for you to. I'm also in a model railroading club, because thats my hobby. There is probably a group out there that does a hobby you like, and if you can find a hobby you enjoy, you can find a group to join. their similar interests will help you get pulled in, and you can make some good friends.

 

[Raeneth]

Getting a job personally helped me open up and dump some of my shyness. At work you have co-workers to talk to and customers to talk with as well. Talking to some people like that will definitely help and make you feel good about yourself :3 maybe when you to go a game store or something, start up a conversation with someone working there. You don't have to try so hard to bust out of your shell, take baby steps first :3

Nothing to fear but fear itself, amirite?

 

[CAB_IV]

and also giant lobsters. you should fear those to.

 

[Lancelot]

Wow.... Well i suppose it would be a bit hard... And seeing as you can't get out much... Well if you do get a job, that would help open up some opportunities hopefully... I really cant say too much else...

 

[Noo Monkey]

Sounds kinda like me when I was your age. Except for the home-school thing. That isn't a great way to meet people

My advice is NOT to talk to random people on the street, that's how you get mugged... I think. Going to an actual school helps a lot, as it is where you make friends your own age who aren't just online.
Also, it's easier to make friends when you're younger. So go make some. I'm not really sure how I met many of my friends, just seemed to happen.
I lost half of my friends 'cause they were a year younger than me, but judging by how they are now, I don't really want to be their friends anyway.

About the shyness, you can't really help that. It'll have something to do with the home schooling also. Maybe. I still hate public speaking, but I'm not as shy as it used to be. You might just grow out of it. Some teenage girls these days...

So I suppose what I mean is nothing's going to change unless you take action. It's the sad, sad truth. For some people anyway...

Also, nice grammar for a seven year old. Some people older than me don't even know half of the words you mentioned. Home Schooling must have it's upsides too...

EDIT: Wait, you signed up when you were four years old? I'm confused. Are you lying to us?

 

[Danica Syer]

Sounds kinda like me when I was your age. Except for the home-school thing. That isn't a great way to meet people

My advice is NOT to talk to random people on the street, that's how you get mugged... I think. Going to an actual school helps a lot, as it is where you make friends your own age who aren't just online.
Also, it's easier to make friends when you're younger. So go make some. I'm not really sure how I met many of my friends, just seemed to happen.
I lost half of my friends 'cause they were a year younger than me, but judging by how they are now, I don't really want to be their friends anyway.

About the shyness, you can't really help that. It'll have something to do with the home schooling also. Maybe. I still hate public speaking, but I'm not as shy as it used to be. You might just grow out of it. Some teenage girls these days...

So I suppose what I mean is nothing's going to change unless you take action. It's the sad, sad truth. For some people anyway...

Also, nice grammar for a seven year old. Some people older than me don't even know half of the words you mentioned. Home Schooling must have it's upsides too...

EDIT: Wait, you signed up when you were four years old? I'm confused. Are you lying to us?

I don't think the homeschooling advice helps if I asked this considering this advice is in a way true and harsh but other ways, not really helpful, just being honest here. And I think she knows what you mean...Oh and another advice for you, Rena: Be Positive!

 

[frisson]

Getting a job personally helped me open up and dump some of my shyness. At work you have co-workers to talk to and customers to talk with as well. Talking to some people like that will definitely help and make you feel good about yourself :3 maybe when you to go a game store or something, start up a conversation with someone working there. You don't have to try so hard to bust out of your shell, take baby steps first :3

Nothing to fear but fear itself, amirite?

Yep. A nice job UPFRONT serving customers and all the like. Each new customer is like another chance at a conversation. If you screw up or embarrass yourself just take a different approach with the next person.

It's always good to ask people how they are. Of course, you're not going to become great friends during the five minutes you've been talking to someone, it's usually very light chat. Still, you need to put yourself out there, nobody's going to offer a hand up. ; )

 

[Tyler Durden]

You could try stepping away from the computer more often. =/