Well, this may sound a little strange, but it’s actually upsetting me quite a bit. You can all have insight into my utterly embarrassing life. LONG POST, I know.
One of my closest friends is acting inappropriately towards me, and I feel uncomfortable about it.
It actually started about a year and a half ago, (but it’s gone in waves) and I think it was my fault because I apparently promised that I’d give him a lap dance – I’m guessing I was drunk, and needless to say I never have kept to that ‘promise’. But then after that, he was excessively flirtatious.
He told me that he’d had a dream of us having sex, and I didn’t know how to react, I was like “….”; not sure why he would admit that. He also kept trying to spend almost inappropriate amounts of time with me, and would constantly hug me; I told 2 of my other male friends so they would always intervene and try and ward him off. One said he thought I should cut him some slack because he was probably confused, and the other was pissed off, and wanted a huge confrontation – but I don’t want people to know about this, as I don’t want people to think he’s sexually predatory.
Recently, it has gotten quite bad, because he will rarely have a conversation with me that doesn’t involve him slipping in that he thinks I’m hot etc.
He often tries to manipulate things, we were playing a game, and he said for each time that I answered a question wrongly, I had to give him a hug, and he’ll ask questions like “Sooooo, who do I think has the best body I know?!” Then when I try and evade the issue, he will be like “YOU”, expecting me to somehow comment on it (?) I never bring up such topics with him, but he usually does.
When I was at his house the other week, he insisted that we ‘chilled on his bed’, and then he turned this into hugging/spooning, and worst of all, he kept making me lie on top of him. I was obviously uncomfortable, and kept trying to move away from him, change the subject, or making excuses. Also, he had a hard on after this, making everything even more uncomfortable, as I had to pretend I didn’t notice.
But how can I refuse a HUG from a FRIEND? What he’s suggesting could be viewed as innocent affection.
I am increasingly thinking that he wants to **** me.
I am 95% sure that he doesn’t have a crush on me, I think it’s all just sexual, so I don’t have too much sympathy for him.
I am fairly easy-going in these situations, and I am relaxed about sex related matters, but I almost feel violated.
Ok, so here’s the pressing issue. Once we saw this photo of us together on a night out, and we were like “omg, we look WELL hot”, which led to this bizarre in-joke that we were beautiful. Because we haven’t spent a lot of time together this academic year, he made me agree to a ‘beautiful day’, and he’s taking it extremely seriously. I actually made a soundtrack for this day…yeah quite sad. This would consist of us spending time together during the day (not sure what we’d do yet), and then clubbing in the evening, and then me staying the night at his. A few problems: he’s tried it on when we’ve been out before i.e touching me, getting excessively close, and I just don’t want to sleep at his….he will insist I sleep in his bed and wear his clothes for pyjamas. Wouldn’t be surprised if he got in with me.
But he also said that I had to wear something “sexy” in the day, and I tried to be like, “no, I can’t because of the weather”, but that’s a crap excuse considering it’s extremely warm, it’s sort of necessary to wear little.
This ‘event’ obviously be exacerbated by alcohol. There’s no way he’s staying sober, and even if I didn’t drink, I’m not sure how that would help anything.
This day is meant to happen TOMORROW! But I realised I have another engagement with other friends tomorrow during the day, but I’m not sure I can avoid the clubbing thing.
I kind of want to be like “BACK THE FUCK OFF”, but I definitely do not want to destroy our friendship. He is one of the best friends I’ve ever had, and I’d almost rather put up with this than loose him. Also, I have lost at least 3 other male friends because of similar issues, so collapsing the friendship is an absolute last resort. So, what would be the best way of dealing with it, in a more delicate manner? I don’t want to offend or embarrass him!
How should I negotiate seeing him next?
Also, as you may have ascertained, I'm not very assertive, but my mouth always gets me in trouble.
Thanks.
One of my closest friends is acting inappropriately towards me, and I feel uncomfortable about it.
It actually started about a year and a half ago, (but it’s gone in waves) and I think it was my fault because I apparently promised that I’d give him a lap dance – I’m guessing I was drunk, and needless to say I never have kept to that ‘promise’. But then after that, he was excessively flirtatious.
He told me that he’d had a dream of us having sex, and I didn’t know how to react, I was like “….”; not sure why he would admit that. He also kept trying to spend almost inappropriate amounts of time with me, and would constantly hug me; I told 2 of my other male friends so they would always intervene and try and ward him off. One said he thought I should cut him some slack because he was probably confused, and the other was pissed off, and wanted a huge confrontation – but I don’t want people to know about this, as I don’t want people to think he’s sexually predatory.
Recently, it has gotten quite bad, because he will rarely have a conversation with me that doesn’t involve him slipping in that he thinks I’m hot etc.
He often tries to manipulate things, we were playing a game, and he said for each time that I answered a question wrongly, I had to give him a hug, and he’ll ask questions like “Sooooo, who do I think has the best body I know?!” Then when I try and evade the issue, he will be like “YOU”, expecting me to somehow comment on it (?) I never bring up such topics with him, but he usually does.
When I was at his house the other week, he insisted that we ‘chilled on his bed’, and then he turned this into hugging/spooning, and worst of all, he kept making me lie on top of him. I was obviously uncomfortable, and kept trying to move away from him, change the subject, or making excuses. Also, he had a hard on after this, making everything even more uncomfortable, as I had to pretend I didn’t notice.
But how can I refuse a HUG from a FRIEND? What he’s suggesting could be viewed as innocent affection.
I am increasingly thinking that he wants to **** me.
I am 95% sure that he doesn’t have a crush on me, I think it’s all just sexual, so I don’t have too much sympathy for him.
I am fairly easy-going in these situations, and I am relaxed about sex related matters, but I almost feel violated.
Ok, so here’s the pressing issue. Once we saw this photo of us together on a night out, and we were like “omg, we look WELL hot”, which led to this bizarre in-joke that we were beautiful. Because we haven’t spent a lot of time together this academic year, he made me agree to a ‘beautiful day’, and he’s taking it extremely seriously. I actually made a soundtrack for this day…yeah quite sad. This would consist of us spending time together during the day (not sure what we’d do yet), and then clubbing in the evening, and then me staying the night at his. A few problems: he’s tried it on when we’ve been out before i.e touching me, getting excessively close, and I just don’t want to sleep at his….he will insist I sleep in his bed and wear his clothes for pyjamas. Wouldn’t be surprised if he got in with me.
But he also said that I had to wear something “sexy” in the day, and I tried to be like, “no, I can’t because of the weather”, but that’s a crap excuse considering it’s extremely warm, it’s sort of necessary to wear little.
This ‘event’ obviously be exacerbated by alcohol. There’s no way he’s staying sober, and even if I didn’t drink, I’m not sure how that would help anything.
This day is meant to happen TOMORROW! But I realised I have another engagement with other friends tomorrow during the day, but I’m not sure I can avoid the clubbing thing.
I kind of want to be like “BACK THE FUCK OFF”, but I definitely do not want to destroy our friendship. He is one of the best friends I’ve ever had, and I’d almost rather put up with this than loose him. Also, I have lost at least 3 other male friends because of similar issues, so collapsing the friendship is an absolute last resort. So, what would be the best way of dealing with it, in a more delicate manner? I don’t want to offend or embarrass him!
How should I negotiate seeing him next?
Also, as you may have ascertained, I'm not very assertive, but my mouth always gets me in trouble.
Thanks.