Alrightly, ask and ye shall recieve.
All in all, I think it's very good. Your descriptions should be exalted, and it's well told.
Though I didn't actually know it was Namine' until I read the part about her sandals ... funny how people are recognized. xD
Yet despite the fact that I feel oddly ... proud of this accomplishment, for you bring a good name to the writer's community, I still got the feeling that something was missing.
After some contemplation, I decided that you lack, though not much, in insight.
Yes, I think I know now. Reading it felt very light. As though there was little under the veneer of your narration.
That sounds negetive, but don't take it the wrong way. Remember that I'm very picky.
I think that, perhaps, you need to dive into the mood of this story more ... but don't ask me how. It's hard to do more than direct people in the right direction for something so intimate ... and who knows a story better than its creator?
Well, I've spoken my general feeling, and I leave you with a hope for this fic and the confidence that it will do well, possibly even better than what it started as, which is still highly a commendable state.
I'll check up on this. Good luck!
