The Chocolate family and friends

[Sexual White Chocolate]

So I think I know what part of the problem is. I've got this buddy, see. He's a good friend and has been for a long time, but he's always been a little weird. Fabulous, sure, but weird. I mean we all know that one "artsy, musician, tentacle-hobo-rape masturbating amputee" guy. Ken (Vayne Mechanics) has always been a bit gay. It was especially worse after the accident with his penis where he had to get some of it removed. He got an implant though, so I guess that makes up for the double downer of an asian with a then cut off wiener. Anyway, Ken lives a bit north of us, but he still visits from time to time and I think he's been showing a lot of that 'anime' and 'manga' to my son. I told Taylor that he needs to realize what that stuff does to you, but I think Ken's been sneaking it to Taylor when he visits. I'm gonna have to have a talk with Ken about this because my son, albeit a bit gay, can still grow up to be a man like his father, and we straight up don't watch that gay anime shit those zipperheads across the way do. In any case, I burned all the manga I found and deleted the anime and some disturbing drawn porn I think is called "hentie" off Taylor's computer. We're gonna have a long talk and probably a good beating about this when Taylor gets home from school. In the mean time, Ken is gonna get quite the disgruntled e-mail from me!


Oh, and it looks like Jeels has been the one taking shits in Tony's yard and on his front porch. Taylor and I were looking at some constellations last night and we spotted a small figure in the dark popping a squat on his porch. We went in further to investigate since it was too big to be anyone's pet, but it ran away before we could get there. However, I've seen that peeping paki run from my house enough times when caught and that I recognize how he runs. I won't bring it up to him, though, because quite frankly, Tony deserves it.

 

[inasuma]

dear otp's diary,

today my son (taylor) asked if he could call me "mom." normally, i'm told, confusion of parental figures is normal, but i might let this slide. taylor's a good kid, and corey takes good care of him. just wish he would stop trying to paint my nails and offer me tampons.

- george

ps. i'm proud of his love for Scrubs. let's be honest, "guy love" may as well be the theme song to his life.

 

[Deleted member 36435]

dear diary,
read this neat thread today but then people that weren't taylor and corey posted in it. now it is poop

 

[Taylor]

Dear Diary,

Today was a big day. Dad took me to a baseball game to try and "make a man outta me." It was cool because when we walked in, people realized he was so important and handsome that they let him throw the first pitch. Dad says that could be me someday. On the way home from the game, my dad talked to me about the tentacle porn on my computer. I tried to explain that Ken had put it there because he has to be within 150 feet of some or else he'll die, but my dad wasn't having it. After a stern beating, we hugged it out. I tried hugging Shawty for the first time today. She came over and we watched some episodes from the 8th season of Friends. My dad made us a hearty dinner of steak and waffle fries, and when it was time for Shawty to go she started saying some weird stuff I didn't understand and I just decided to man up, as my dad would call it, and hug her. My dad told me I was getting there, but I shouldn't have to work so hard at it. I don't know what that means.

-Taylor

 

[Taylor]

Dear Diary,

I was out on a walk today because my dad told me I spend too much time inside on the computer. I saw Jeels digging through some trash and I tried to say hi. He just barked at me.

-Taylor

 

[Johnny Stooge]

so if taylor is corey's son and taylor is 70% gay and not just 50% gay then basic math+genetics reveals that corey must carry at least a 20% gay gene.


yeah. science, bitch!

 

[Passion]

dear diary,

today I went out on a walk with Taylor because we haven't hung out in forever. I've been wicked busy with Josh (*u*) and finding a new job since I retired from my last one. Thank god I did because, damn, all they talked about was Korra and I wasn't even allowed just a day off to recover from the Breaking Bad finale! That was definitely the straw that broke the camel's back.

I bet if Legend of Korra had a finale, everyone on staff would take a day off...

Anyway, he keeps mentioning how his dad wants him to become "manlier." So I gave him the best advice I could: listen to Be A Man on repeat.

On another note, I saw Stephaknee today and damn... I wish I had her tits. They're always so perky and big! I wonder if it's the type of bra she uses...

Wait, this isn't my diary.

Sorry Taylor,

shannon ♥

 

[Taylor]

Dear Diary,

Today, my dad and I sat down and watched some Dr.Phil. We like to just eat ice cream and laugh at how dysfunctional some families are. I have no mom but I do have George (the OTP), and I'm still pretty well-adjusted, minus the whole 70% gay thing. It's always nice to just hang out with my old man though. I like him. I also like ice cream.

I tried to feed Jeels a bone today, since he barked at me a few days ago. He was in the middle of rolling around in the fresh dew on Tony's yard (I think that's how he cleans himself), and when I tried to give him the bone, he just growled at me and ran away into some bushes. I think he might live in some kind of rabbit-hole type thing over there. I'll have to grab Paolo, Victor, and Josh sometime and explore it. That's some Stand By Me shit. I don't think I'd be Gordie...that'd probably be Paolo. Gordie's dad hates him and my dad would never hate me. Victor would be Vern and Josh would be Teddy and I would be Chris cause my family is full of badasses. I think we should try to recreate this movie. I'll start writing a screenplay.

-Taylor

 

[Sexual White Chocolate]

I took Taylor camping this weekend. I got all the essentials, of course. Tent, sleeping bags, knife, etc etc. I try to take Taylor camping to get him used to the rugged outdoors. In the event of a post-apocalyptic turn of events, or if he gets abducted and has to find his way back home, the boy needs to know how to take care of himself. He's been getting slightly better since the last few times we've done this, though he still has a ways to go. At first he was deathly scared of all the noises in the night. Now he just wants to play with whatever creepy crawlies he can find. At least the tent didn't look like it was going to blow away this time when he put it up. I guess I should mention that I sit back and drink beer while telling him what to do- I can't do everything for him now can I? I already know I can do it. He needs to learn now. In any case, he struggled for a while digging a hole and getting rocks for the camp fire. Then, though not as much, with the tent. Once I was decently drunk, I decided we should get some food. We did a little fishing and I caught about 5 decent sized fish, and Taylor caught two little ones. Though they were little, he was pretty proud of them since he didn't do that well last time. He was worried he might starve because I said he wasn't allowed to eat any of mine, only what he caught. I, of course, still let him eat some of my catch because I am a good father. He falls for that one every single time we come. We made smores and I told him a ghost story so bad he peed his pants. Good thing I made sure he brought extra pants this time. All in all it was a good trip where I got to haze my son a bit like back in the old fraternity days, and he got to grow a little bit more into a man.


For some reason Jeels, it would seem, has become more and more animalistic. First he just acted like a monkey, and from what Taylor tells me, he's now acting like a dog? I think the guy has some serious multiple personality type of disorder. Only instead of multiple personalities and voices, it's comprised of multiple animals. I'm really thinking about calling the exorcist tomorrow.


I also saw Stooge (Johnny Stooge) in the neighborhood paper today. "Stooge Is Gay, Sources Say" was the headline. I had always wondered about him- he's very homophobic. I guess it was his defense against his own true inner desires. I wrote him a nice letter telling him that I don't hate him for being gay, I'm just mildly disappointed that he lied about it for so many years. I said I have a few gay friends like Ruben (Turn) that might be interested in him if he wouldn't be so off-putting from now on. I hope he doesn't keep trying to deny it now that the verdict's out. Makes sense about the jaw surgery too when you think about it, given that he probably tried to take in too big of a penis. But I guess that's just what goes down on the far side of the lake.

 

[Sexual White Chocolate]

I got a call from my buddy Tyrone (Silh) yesterday. Said he and Ric (The Big Lovin') were gonna be jammin' cause he thinks we have a gig coming up. Oh yeah, I guess I should tell you guys I'm in a band. The name of the band has changed many times, but the quality has remained remarkably above mediocrity. I, of course, have the sultry voice of velvet. We jammed for a while with Ty on drums and Ric on bass, while I played lead and sang. We've had our fruity buddy Ken play guitar, but he's still out from the accident. A few ladies wanted to watch us play, but practice is work time. We invited them out later for drinks, though. After wearing ourselves out, we wound everything down and went and got some drinks with said ladies. They sure were ogling Ty's legs earlier. Once we got out, there was open mic Karaoke. After a number of drinks, everything gets a little blurry...


This morning was a bit rough, but I manned up as usual and got to work. A bit into the early afternoon, Steve dropped by my Prodigious Pizza restaurant. We sat down for lunch and he told me he got temporarily banned (again) from entering the premises of our old business. I've noticed that, especially in the past year, the current workforce there has had some kind of vendetta against him. I'm not sure what their backwater deals are, but I asked him what happened and he said he was just trying to spread the word of our lord and savior Pizza Chrust. Of course, given that one of my many successful ventures is my Prodigious Pizza restaurant, I was quite taken aback. I knew they stretched the rules to keep Steve out, but the fact that used pizza as excuse got my blood boiling. Needless to say, I took one of my signature Prodderoni pizzas up there and was so angry I slung it on the roof above the front entrance. Normally, I'd be upset with the 'waste' of a pizza, but I made sure to use the out of date ingredients were going to throw out that day. I also left a nice poop dollar outside their front door, excrement compliments of one Stephen M. Grapes.

 

[Taylor]

Dear Diary,

Gosh, I'm sorry it's been so long since I've updated you! My dad and I have been really busy doing some bonding activities and I get distracted easily. Last week was Halloween and that was a blast. I've actually been in a candy-induced coma for the past week, but I woke up like 5 minutes ago and I thought I'd update you on that night. Dad and I went trick-or-treating. I was Spider-Man and he was a handsome man (like usual). I walked up to the first house and got an okay haul: two Laffy Taffys and a mini Twix bar. I ran back to show my dad what I got and he smiled, but told me it wasn't good enough. "Win them over, son," he said. He came up to the next house with me. It was a younger woman and my dad wooed her and she ended up giving us all her candy! It was amazing. We did it with every house after too. At one point, an old lady only had Tootsie Rolls and my dad convinced her to make us caramalized apples instead. It was a crazy night.

But my dad always taught me not to just horde everything. I really wanted to keep all the candy, but I think he was testing me. He has a way about him. While we were walking back home (he was manning a wheelbarrow), I told him that I didn't think it was fair that no one else on the block would get candy. So we started handing out a ton of it to everyone. I made a lot of friends and we all ate candy and it was a lot of fun. I think I saw my dad tear up a little again. It was like his tears glossed over and formed majestic waves that crashed against the twinkling stars that were his eyes. I think I made him proud.

And then I went home and ate all my candy and passed out for a week. I smell pretty bad right now, Diary. I'm gonna go shower.

-Taylor

 

[Sexual White Chocolate]

Man it's been a long time since I've updated you guys on where I'm at. There's been so many stories it's gonna take a while to compile them all on here. In any case, this past week I was on a trip to help initiate a new batch of kids into my old Fraternity. It was great because I got to see my good buddy and brother, Chris, again (TheMuffinMan, not my drug dealer). I led the whole thing myself, given that it is indeed my speciality. I actually saw another chapter do their kids that night too, and I honestly I took it over and made everything perfect from memory because that's what I do. Afterwards, Chris and I had a few beers and I talked about maybe one day my son joining so I could relentlessly haze him until he was a real man. The two of us laughed heartily.


Oh, and of course there was the big game between the new mods and us old mods. The scores were posted, but after my first bat I was pretty sore. From there on, I was so angry with that first out that every hit I made was a home run up until that last game, in which I was still one of the only two people to get a run on the board. After we, obviously, won, the crowd lifted Steve and me up into the air as we watched the new mods wail, fanless, in the distance. I was fulfilling. When I finally got let back down onto the ground, having to muscle a few relentless female fans away from me, Naomi came up and whispered things into my ear no other man can ever be allowed to hear. I told her I had to go celebrate with the boys but to leave her phone on that night so I could hit her up after.


And of course there was Halloween. I showed Taylor a few moves in persuasion. I went as me two weeks prior, and he went as Spider-Man. After he had this wheelbarrow of candy, which was stacked pretty high, Taylor registered that he shouldn't keep it all for himself, especially since he knows I wouldn't let him eat it all anyway. Next thing you know, Taylor's making friends and I'm talking to a few single moms who are extremely impressed with how I've raised my boy, and who wanted to know if there was a Mrs. Chocolate. Needless to say, it was enjoyable night.