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Help/Support ► ~ An Interesting Situation ~ (Long Read)



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Halibel

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Yeah personally I think shes leading you on, or your probley lost in love and just imagining things. Her leaving her boyfriend is very very unlikely, especially if you said shes really in love with him. If I were you Id just sit back and see what happens, maybe if their relationship does not work out then you could try and move in. I would not try anything at this point, you could just mess it up and then thats it.
My sister also told me that girls tend to go for guys who are older than them. Is that true? If so, then I probably don't stand a chance.
her?[/SIZE]
Yeah I don't see very many relationships with the female being older then the male, but then again thats what happened to my sister and she's married.

Anyways good luck with your problem, I hope it does work out with you.
 

Mikail

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For starters, trying to get over her wont help. She's dating a 19 year old she chances are it wont last long. Assuming he's in college she might be feeling a little lonely. Bad? Not really. It is actually good for you.

I was in a situation very very similar to this. (especially the car part).
Me and my current girlfriend before we started dating when she had a different boyfriend.

Anyway, it appears to me that she does have an interest in you. This is probably making her very confused. She is devoted to her boyfriend but she might not be able to help how she feels for you. For now, you should really just play things off as friends. Maybe push it to the point where you let her know how you feel. Tell her that you have a crush on her. See how she reacts, give it a week or two before she goes back into natural behavior after being stunned by the comment.

Don't make any moves that appear that you're trying to steal her away from her current boyfriend. If you two are friends then you have a right to let her know how you feel, and she has a right to know. This situation really needs time, sad to say. The more time that goes by, the more clear the situation will get. For me, my "time" took almost 2 years, yeah... sad.
 

Deeman

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That's a very nice picture, Mikail. You two look happy. =)

Thanks a lot for your advice. It helps!

So yeah, you may be right... she may have feelings for me. But before that, I need to update you guys. I guess you could say quite a bit has happened the past week.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, so last Monday I go to her house with my three friends, one of them being her boyfriend. She and her boyfriend stayed inside while the rest of us were outside skateboarding. After having a great time, my dad came to take me to a thanksgiving party. Too bad all the interesting stuff happened after I left. I didn't even want to go, but I was, of course, forced to.

What happened? Well, one of my friends who I brought held hands with the girl I like. Now before you jump to any hasty conclusions, let me explain this event more in detail. She hardly knows him; hell, I don't even know if she knows him at all. But come to think of it, they have met before. What he told me when I found out he had held hands with her was that they were just holding hands to make another girl jealous; a girl who wasn't even there. Yeah, lame, I know. So I didn't really buy it.

The next morning, however, after seminary class, the girl I like comes up to me and says in my face, "I held hands with [insert name of my friend who held hands with her]!"

Now why on earth did she do that? Did she tell me to make me feel jealous, or was it all fun and games? I think she's still devoted to her boyfriend... but why would she hold hands with another guy? This whole event completely confuses me. ANOTHER thing; the guy she held hands with doesn't even like her. No, he likes her sister. For once, I don't have a problem with that. It just pisses me off that he gets to hold hands with her when he hardly even knows the girl... *Sigh*

I know I'm rambling, but there's one more thing I'd like to tell you guys about. Last night, after an activity, I get dropped off at her house to be picked up by my father. I have to wait a while at their house because my dad wasn't ready to pick me up. Bingo! So here I am, sitting on their couch, watching the girl I like browse prom dresses on the computer. While she does this, her sister and I talk about stuff.

Finally she finishes on the computer and comes over to me. A wonderful conversation ensues. Now, this conversation was very casual, but it felt so good. Whenever she spoke, her eyes met mine, and we locked. Whenever I spoke, I held her gaze confidently. The conversation was absolutely great, and made me realize how grateful I was to at least be her friend. We continued to talk until she was told to go to bed. Trying to knock my hat off my head, she smiles and says, "Goodnight, Derek!" (my name).

Now that just made my day. Nothing serious happened, no, but what happened there (our conversation) totally revived my spirits. Now I feel more open around her. Much more open. I'm less depressed now as well, thankfully.

Again, I'm just happy to be able to talk with her. If she's meant to be with that guy, then so be it. But these feelings I have for her will not go away. These feelings aren't toward her outward appearance only, but also for her character and personality. She's flirtsy, yes, but also funny, intelligent, and quick-minded. Girls like those are hard to pass by. <3

Sorry for the long post... xD Any thoughts or advice on what to do next?
 

Mikail

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Once again I'll be speaking from personal experience.

The whole holding hands thing, just ignore it. Your friend obviously was just being an a-hole lol. It seems she's just really confused right now.

I'm glad your conversation went well. But don't get your hopes to high. Trust me, at this state it will be very very easy for them to be shot down which is possible from something stupid. You really need to talk to her about how you feel. Let her know that if she doesn't feel remotely the same, then you are still willing to be friends. If it takes her a little while to respond, or if she's in deep thought there is a good chance she has some feelings toward you. At that point you'll need to figure out what to do to make her feelings for you grow.
 

Deeman

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The whole holding hands thing, just ignore it. Your friend obviously was just being an a-hole lol.
Alright, will do. But it wasn't my friend who did anything; she was the one who came up to him and took hold of his hand.

I'm glad your conversation went well. But don't get your hopes to high. Trust me, at this state it will be very very easy for them to be shot down which is possible from something stupid. You really need to talk to her about how you feel. Let her know that if she doesn't feel remotely the same, then you are still willing to be friends. If it takes her a little while to respond, or if she's in deep thought there is a good chance she has some feelings toward you. At that point you'll need to figure out what to do to make her feelings for you grow.
I see what you mean here. It's just... it'll be hard to tell her how I feel. I mean, should I wait to tell her when the situation calls for it or should I just pull her aside one day and tell her how I feel?
 

Mikail

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I see what you mean here. It's just... it'll be hard to tell her how I feel. I mean, should I wait to tell her when the situation calls for it or should I just pull her aside one day and tell her how I feel?

You'll know when it is the right time. You'll get a feeling that you can't contain how you feel about her anymore and in some way you'll end up telling her. As I said before, these kind of situations take time. Its all about waiting for the right time.
 

Thor.

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This is such a delicate situation you have no idea.

Either way I wouldn't worry too much about her other boyfriend. If he's 19 it can't last all that long. It has probably actually happened once in a while but it isn't likely she'll stay with him. Certainly not for very long.
 

Deeman

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You'll know when it is the right time. You'll get a feeling that you can't contain how you feel about her anymore and in some way you'll end up telling her. As I said before, these kind of situations take time. Its all about waiting for the right time.
I understand.

Okay.

I think what you just said will probably happen sooner or later. There will be a point where I can't hold it in any longer, I can just feel it. But until then, we'll see what happens.

Thanks, Mikail.

Thank you as well for your input, Chosen.
 

TheLastKnight

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heh, take it slower from now on...if you just asked her out plainly, without a big opener, she'll think you're the asshole

what I mean by is "I really enjoyed our conversation last night (Insert "ask out" here)"

something like that...make it more casual

or not...perhaps, Idk!! Just trying to help
 

Duality

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Well reading your latest update......je must think.
...
...
Please wait
...
...

Okay. Enough silly business. Wow, this girl is flirty to the max. I mean she rests her head on your shoulder, holds another guy's hands, rubs it in your face.... Not only does it seem like she's trying to lead all sorts of guys on, but she's enjoying it a lot too. *sigh* Unforunately, Deeman, she may be great, charming, etc. But she really doesn't seem dedicated/loyal to her boyfriend. I know you say she is, but physically intimacy (even holding hands, and esp. resting head on shoulders) is a complete no-no. She just can't be doing that. If you were in a relationship with her, I'm sure you would not want her doing that. If she respected her boyfriend, she sure as hell wouldn't.

In any case, it's good that you've had a conversation. Argh...I hate telling people that their feelings are not well founded, but I think this is a case. I know you're thinking that I just don't know what you're feeling. And I could very well say "I've been there," but that will no more convince you. So I just want you to think about what I'm saying and consider for yourself how well-founded your crush is.

She's beautiful. True. She's funny. True. She's charming. True. She's intelligent. True. All good qualities but of course. But these observed qualities are stuff anyone can notice. Classmates, friends, teachers, you name it. I would say that relationships must begin with a great friendship. A deep friendship. Do you know her secrets (maybe not her deepest)? Do you know her feelings on a day to day basis? Do you know some of her flaws? Have you done anything out of your way for her? Has she done it in return? Does she share her day to day happenings with you on a regular basis? Or not? Do you? How much do you know of her family and other friendships and how they are going?

These aren't meant to be demanding/attacking questions, but sincere ones. By the sounds of it, most of the time, you are going to say "No, I have not done that. No, she has not done that." And this would suggest that your friendship does not run deep. And if that doesn't go far, how well do you truly know her? Yes, she is interesting. Someone you would like to know more of. But don't get too lost in it, like your head is spinning, like you want to say "it's love." Because yes, I have been there. Everytime it's been "No, I'm not in love." Except, for the last time, when I fell in love with my best friend.

I hope that by keeping you thinking about these things it'll sort everything out. Keep us updated Deeman.

Edit: Contrary to Mikail (no hard feelings? :)), I'd say don't tell her how you feel unless you are quite sure she feels the same. This is because it will be awkward. You can only tell her when you are willing to sacrifice the friendship. It is impossible to continue a friendship properly after that has happened. So don't be too hasty on it.
 

Mikail

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She's beautiful. True. She's funny. True. She's charming. True. She's intelligent. True. All good qualities but of course. But these observed qualities are stuff anyone can notice. Classmates, friends, teachers, you name it. I would say that relationships must begin with a great friendship. A deep friendship. Do you know her secrets (maybe not her deepest)? Do you know her feelings on a day to day basis? Do you know some of her flaws? Have you done anything out of your way for her? Has she done it in return? Does she share her day to day happenings with you on a regular basis? Or not? Do you? How much do you know of her family and other friendships and how they are going?

Some of those things come with time from dating/liking a person. I completely agree about the friendship part, but on the other hand day to day updates and family usually don't get deeply involved until dating. All the stuff you mentioned are great things to consider a girl/guy for dating but not all of it is needed to be known yet in order to date that person.

Dating is something that shouldn't be rushed, and when in a relationship, that as well, should not be rushed. Knowing how the girl feels on a day to day basis comes from her feeling secure enough to open up to you. Dating makes that security easier.

You bring up excellent points but not all can be considered necessary for dating.
 

Duality

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Mikail said:
You bring up excellent points but not all can be considered necessary for dating.
The conditions provided were neither sufficient nor necessary. But at least one of them must be satisfied to be considered a deep friendship.

Thanks for agreeing though! I thought you would reading your other posts...Let's see what Deeman thinks....
 

sora741

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Dee reading ur last post.....


~

...!! ok now she was holding that other guys hand to make u jealous(even though u weren't there) if she told you and he told then it was for a reason. Now this might sound cruddy but maybe you should try to talk to her sister some then add her into the conversation when u can. Why because if she made you jealous then a little bit of her own game should work and see how she acts. About her boyfriend there ready to break up 1 or 2 fights should do it. Dude your ready for action when they break up scoop her up and bring her hopes up as high as you can (you might get a kiss). Good luck bro.

~Sora~
 

Deeman

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Update:

Well, it's a lot to say, but I'll break it into a couple sentences. Kinda. =)

My two friends slept over and came to church with me this morning. I decided to wear my friend's black leather jacket. While I was strolling the hallways, one of her sister's said to me, (I'll call the girl I like Jen, since it wouldn't be appropriate to mention actual names without permission.) "Jen says you're a [Insert her boyfriend's name here] and [insert boyfriend's brother's name here] wannabe, wearing that jacket."

Somewhat upset, I continued on. Later, in Sunday School, Jen gets my attention. "Listen, Derek, whatever my sister's said about your jacket, about being a "boyfriend's name* wannabe, it's not true."
Hesitating a second, she continued. "It looks hot."

Bingo! I was ecstatic.

Our church had some food for the members after our meetings in the gym, and I was talking with Jen and her two sisters. I had just mentioned that they all bore resemblance to one another, and Jen said, "Yeah, but I'm the prettiest." Without thinking, I nodded and said, "Yeah." Quickly, I started another sentence. I could see her expression change. I didn't look at her directly, but it was a happy expression.

Lastly, right before they had to go, I called to Jen, "Goodbye, Jen!" She smiled at me for a second, then all of a sudden, she made that "I'm watching you" sign to me with her hand. I was completely taken aback.

Yeah, so today was pretty much the greatest day evah'.
 

Thelonepickle

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<3

Well, hey, it seems that, if nothing else, your friendship is getting a lot stronger! :D I'm so happy for you.

It all seems to be going pretty well, so I hope it continues this way. :3

By the way. You familiar with the hilarity of movies like The R.M., The Best Two Years, Singles Ward, etc.?

XD Sorry, off-topic, but I just watched a couple of those today. Lawl. Funny to me, and I'm not even Mormon. XD
 

Deeman

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<3

Well, hey, it seems that, if nothing else, your friendship is getting a lot stronger! :D I'm so happy for you.

It all seems to be going pretty well, so I hope it continues this way. :3
Yeah, to me it feels as if our friendship is flourishing as well! I think she's starting to trust me more, asking me questions like that. Knowing that trusts me is a great feeling. <3

By the way. You familiar with the hilarity of movies like The R.M., The Best Two Years, Singles Ward, etc.?

XD Sorry, off-topic, but I just watched a couple of those today. Lawl. Funny to me, and I'm not even Mormon. XD
OMG YES. The R.M. is absolutely hilarious! Singles Ward is great as well. Also, there's a Mormon version of Pride and Prejudice; I actually like it. >.<

Thanks for those nice words, Pickle! <33
 

Thor.

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Heh. A lamp.

SOunds like everything is going well.

But as it was said before she seems like she may not be a great person to be getting into a relationship with. As much as you would lover her to leave her boyfriend. I wouldn't have a lot of confidence in her if she did. . . . .meaning pretty much. If you've got a shot it bring the question,do you really need it?
 

TheLastKnight

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Cool for you Deeman! Just dont get trapped in the friend zone or she will think of you like her brother... or a lamp.lol. Best of luck! Can I get a
BOW CHICKA WOW WOW for Deeman
Bow chicka wow wow!

anyways, that's awesome, looks like things are going great, just go along with the pace, and you're good, my friend
 
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